We’ll know it was a bad idea for Puff Daddy to try to buy an NFL team if he’s allowed to go through with it.
He announced that he was interested in buying the Carolina Panthers the other day. He of course did this by posting a video of himself looking half drunk and generally seeming like he hadn’t spent a significant amount of time thinking over this decision. In addition to promising to sign Colin Kaepernick, he promised to have the best halftime shows, with the best music, and that the team would win all of the Super Bowls.
The next day, a white chick on local TV news in the Bay Area said he looked like he’d just smoked a blunt and drank a 40. Black People Twitter was quick to respond that, according to the most recent Forbes list (a/k/a the Whores List), Diddy is worth $820 million and therefore is not to be disrespected. I mean, I could see if he was only worth $820.00, in which case fuck him!
If this NFL thing doesn’t work out, Diddy might consider buying that TV station. Remember that time Jay Z was rumored to be thinking about buying Hot 97 so he could fire Funkmaster Flex? The thing is, if you did fire that anchor, there’s no way you could give her an opportunity to get her job back by sitting on your lap and apologizing profusely, because of the whole #MeToo thing.
NFL teams hardly ever go on sale, but the guy who owns the Carolina Panthers is being forced to sell because he supposedly said something both racist and sexist. I couldn’t find what he actually said, in the brief amount of time I was willing to spend researching this BS, but whatever it was it must have been terrible. NFL teams cost literally billions of dollars. For that kind of money, you should be allowed to have an Asian hooker turn up dead in the trunk of your car.
Granted, it’s not like he’s losing billions of dollars on this deal. As was the case with Donald Sterling, who was famously recorded telling his ethnically ambiguous jumpoff to stop bringing so many black guys to LA Clippers games, especially Magic Johnson, Panthers owner Jerry Richardson is about to make billions of dollars. The one article I skimmed said the team might be worth $2.3 billion.
If the Forbes list is to be believed (which it isn’t), Diddy is only worth maybe a quarter of what it would cost to buy the Panthers, and who knows how much of that money he could put up if he wanted to. He’s got umpteen kids, at least some of whom were fathered by Al B Sure. Presumably at least some of his money is tied up in Revolt TV, though from what I understand he got some of the money to buy Revolt from a government program to promote black media ownership.
Which of course raises the question: Why would the government want to invest in black media? I remember back when I was in college it was rumored that Cash Money’s $30 million deal with Universal Music was financed by the United States government, possibly as part of a convoluted scheme to funnel young black men into the prison-industrial complex.
But I digress.
Diddy, if he really does want to buy the Panthers, would have to take on co-owners, and it’s quite possible that he could end up not owning any more of the Panthers than Jay Z owned of the Brooklyn Nets, i.e. 1/15th of 1%. He could just end up being the black front for the white people who really own the team.
I’d suggest he try to put together a black ownership group, but that of course presents its own set of potential problems. The problem with going in on an investment with black people is that at least one person will want to “cash out” like a month later so that they can get their electricity turned back on, and that’s just not how investing works.
I know Dame Dash used to say his ultimate goal was to own an NFL team. As I recall, he discussed it on one of his appearances on the Combat Jack Show (RIP). This would be as good an opportunity as any to turn that dream into reality, except that, let’s keep it real, Dame Dash probably doesn’t have any money at all, let alone enough to cop an NFL team. I don’t buy for a minute that he’s a motor oil magnate, or that he still owns a $100 million clothing line run by his ex-wife Rachel Roy a/k/a Becky with the Good Hair.
Then there’s the fact that the NFL doesn’t want just anyone owning one of their teams. They’re cool with white supremacists, but they can’t have any sex offenders. (If all Jerry Richardson did was say something racist, he wouldn’t be selling his team.) Will Diddy be able to pass whatever background check potential NFL owners are subjected to? We’ve all heard the rumors, and unfortunately, I don’t think it’s illegal to discriminate on the basis of sexual preference in North Carolina. That was the state that had the Bathroom Bill, right?
How tragic would it be if Diddy was hit with one of those bullshit sexual harassment stories in the New York Times right as he was poised to become the first black owner in the NFL. If he was, it would lend credence to the theory that Bill Cosby was subjected to a witch hunt because he was about to buy NBC, which I always kinda believed.
Take it easy on yourself,