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Why I won't be boycotting the NFL

Internets, It's getting dangerously close to the beginning of football season, i.e. the most sacred,
Why I won't be boycotting the NFL
By Byron Crawford • Issue #19 • View online
Internets,
It’s getting dangerously close to the beginning of football season, i.e. the most sacred, most American time of the year, and I’m concerned that I might not be able to watch, because there might be a boycott.
In fact, I was talking to a brother here in the warehouse a few weeks ago, and he was saying that there had already been a preseason game on TV. So in a sense, football season has already begun.
They probably don’t let anyone who’s worth a shit play in preseason games, which don’t really count, but they could be an important showcase for marginal talents. Imagine if the one chance you got to play in an NFL game was on a weeknight in the middle of the summer—you’d be out there trying to fuck people up!
Suge Knight, for example, was allowed to play two games for the LA Rams in 1987, when the real players were on strike. I can only imagine what those games were like.
Throughout the 1990s, I would go to Chicago Bulls preseason games here in my native St. Louis. Not only would Michael Jordan not play, he wouldn’t even show up to the game. I guess they didn’t want him injuring his neck trying to sleep on the plane. Instead, he was home in Chicago tending to his collection of designer blue jeans.
I recall a lot of white players in those NBA preseason games, but I wouldn’t have any way of knowing if there were any more or less than average. I attended a lot of sporting events in the ‘90s, because my old man had access to luxury boxes in all of the local stadiums, but rarely, if ever, would I watch a game on TV. Even as a child, I just didn’t have the time.
It doesn’t seem improbable to me that NBA teams would purposely keep a certain number of relatively mediocre white players around so that their most valued fans would have someone to relate to, but I just don’t know enough about the game to say whether or not someone is any good. It’s the reason I’ve been loathe to comment on this Colin Kaepernick situation.
If only he’d been accused of beating the brakes off that girl from Hot 97 that he’s supposedly dating. I could easily craft a newsletter about that. Who among us hasn’t thought about beating up someone from Hot 97?
It seems obvious enough to me, from the few articles I’ve skimmed, that Kaepernick is good enough to play quarterback for some NFL team, even if it’s as a backup (but supposedly he’s good enough to be a starter), but the owners of the teams all got together and decided that no one would sign him.
I’ve heard concerns that if a team did sign him, the police might refuse to provide security for the games. And we can’t have that, with how rowdy people get at professional sporting events. If you thought Charlottesville was a damn mess, imagine if there were no cops in the stadium at an NFL game.
You’d think that the police wouldn’t be allowed to just up and decide not to work a certain event, but then there’s a lot of things you’d think they wouldn’t be allowed to do. Remember when they stopped patrolling the streets of New York a few years ago? They had to hurry up and get back to work, when people realized nothing bad would happen without them around.
There’s also concern that white people would be upset if Kaepernick were allowed to rejoin the league after having the sheer balls to take a knee during the national anthem. A lot of racist CACs’ relatives died in Vietnam for him to have the right to, uh, not be allowed to express his beliefs at a football game.
I don’t have the demographics of NFL fans handy, but I would imagine they skew fairly white and unintelligent, given the nature of the game, and even more so once you adjust for people who can afford to show up to the games and pay through the nose for beer and delicious stadium nachos. The All Lives Matter community is the NFL’s bread and butter, so to speak.
Meanwhile, when black people talk about boycotting the NFL, they’re probably talking about not watching any games on TV, for the most part. Which raises the question: How would the NFL even know if you were watching a game on TV? Also: Do they even give a shit?
I know it used to be that the only way they could tell what you were watching on TV was if you had one of those ratings boxes. And I don’t think they gave those boxes to anyone other than the kind of people who watch Everyone Loves Raymond. Now TVs have hidden cameras that can see you rubbing one out to the Full House reboot on Netflix, but that’s just to collect information to sell to advertisers. They could care less what show you’re watching.
Anyway, the companies that advertise during NFL games aren’t overly concerned with reaching a black demographic. That’s why all of the ads are for pickup trucks and brands of beer that authentically black people don’t fuxwit. The only major TV ads that target black people are ads for McDonald’s, like the one where Calvin got his own McDonald’s and the solemn remembrance of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and those, as I recall, air during black-interest programming, like the show 227.
The only way the black community could really check the NFL was if black players refused to play, like they did at Mizzou a few years ago. But obviously that’s not about to happen. NFL players make entirely too much money to risk it on a bullshit stunt that won’t actually cause police brutality to decrease.
And they spend even more money than they make! A while back, players were “locked out” of the league for a few months due to some labor dispute. Some of them didn’t even have enough money saved up to survive that first month without a paycheck. They were forced to take out payday loans at steep interest rates, like some broke hoodrat.
Statistically, the vast majority of these clowns will be broke five years from now anyway, regardless of whether or not they stand up (er, kneel) for their rights, but far be it for me to begrudge them their ability to ball out in the short term. Being an especially good athlete is one of the few ways a black man can experience the American dream.
Take it easy on yourself.
Bol

 

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