Why I prefer Bhad Bhabie to Megan Thee Stallion

#402・
1.44K

subscribers

457

issues

Subscribe to our newsletter

By subscribing, you agree with Revue’s Terms of Service and Privacy Policy and understand that Life in a Shanty Town will receive your email address.

Why I prefer Bhad Bhabie to Megan Thee Stallion
By Byron Crawford • Issue #402 • View online
This week, while Megan Thee Stallion went on Gayle King to falsely accuse Tory Lanez of shooting her in the foot, Bhad Bhabie paid $6.1 million cash for a house with money she made from OnlyFans.
Somewhere in that lies an important lesson about personal responsibility.
I didn’t have to watch the Gayle King interview to know that she didn’t ask Megan Thee Stallion why she made a big show of graduating from college only to turn around and sue someone for tricking her into signing a bad contract, let alone why she’s still out here lying about having been shot in the foot. That’s not how Gayle King operates.
I already peeped her m.o. when she did that interview with Arruh, trying to trick him into incriminating himself. She probably had 5-0 standing by in the next room. When she brought up dubious sexual assault allegations against Kobe Bryant, as if that’s the main thing he was known for, it only further confirmed what I’d long suspected about her.
Joe Budden was right to suggest that Thee Stallion should have submitted to an interview with someone from the hip-hop community, perhaps Budden himself. He sometimes does one-on-one interviews on his podcast, which remains one of my primary sources of information even in the post-Rory-and-Mal era.
Some of our less astute minds, on Twitter, natch, suggested that maybe Budden shouldn’t comment on anything having to do with domestic violence. I’d actually suggest the opposite. Who better to understand the nuance of a situation in which a rapper is alleged to have shot a woman in the foot?
Meanwhile, Bhad Bhabie is out here plopping down money on pricey real estate as if she were Elon Musk with a wild hair up his ass, announcing on Instagram that she bought a house that looks like a place where a gonzo studio would have once shot an adult film, back when that industry wasn’t as democratized.
To think, Bhabie isn’t even old enough to remember when BangBros was in its prime. She might not even know what that is, despite also hailing from the great state of Florida. The van might still be in operation, but what use would she have for it? She doesn’t even get out of the bed in the morning for $600!
In a subsequent Instagram post, after people were doubting that she could pay $6.1 million cash for a house, she posted incontrovertible proof that she’s made over $50 million from OnlyFans—which is especially impressive given that she’s not old enough to have been on there for very long.
It’s even more impressive when you consider how easy it is to pull up her content for free. I had a look just now, not because I’d ever be interested in such a thing (I’m only attracted to girls 36 and over), but to confirm that she does in fact have an OnlyFans, for the sake of music journalism.
It’s not the adult content that *I’d* actually pay for, if I were that naïve, but I wouldn’t kick her out of my bed—unless she started rapping, and even then only after I was done with her. Sometimes you gotta be willing to sacrifice.
She’s yet to go fully topless, which should almost be illegal for what she’s charging. If I’d put any money at all on her OnlyFans, I’d at least ask around about the prospect of a class-action suit—not to get my $20 back, but to see what she’s working with once and for all.
Maybe I’d still get that money back, since those photos would be easily accessible via the Internets once a judge ordered them released. It wouldn’t be like that Wu-Tang album that Martin Shkreli bought, where there’s only one copy and you have to go to a museum to listen to it.
If I’m going to a museum, it’s not to listen to a post-‘90s Wu-Tang album.

 

Did you enjoy this issue?
Byron Crawford

I don't post here anymore. Find my latest work at https://byroncrawford.substack.com/

In order to unsubscribe, click here.
If you were forwarded this newsletter and you like it, you can subscribe here.
Powered by Revue