View profile

Why I'm against Trump's transgender military ban

Internets, I think I speak for a lot of people when I say that my first response to the announcement

Life in a Shanty Town

July 28 · Issue #15 · View online
The hip-hop newsletter that's not afraid to ask the tough questions

I think I speak for a lot of people when I say that my first response to the announcement that Trump has banned transgender people from the military was to think that this couldn’t possibly be much of an issue, because how many transgender people can there be in the military?
You can’t be a guy dressed as a girl in the military, by definition, because the military has special outfits they make you wear.
I guess you could be a girl dressed as a guy. That doesn’t seem like it would be much of an issue in the various support-staff positions typically filled by women, i.e. typing, washing male soldiers’ underwear, making sandwiches and what have you.
But I know they recently started letting girls fight in the military alongside guys. It was one of the few bits of progress made in Obama’s second term, and as was the case with most of them, it didn’t do me any good personally. Trump must not be aware of it, or else he almost certainly would have gotten rid of it.
There was an issue, a while back, where some tattletale blew the whistle on secret Facebook groups where guys in the military share noodz of girls in the military, and apparently that was exacerbated some by this new policy. There’s now more animosity towards female soldiers, and also more girls taking pitches of their tight, naked bodies.
You can tell from the way he uses Twitter that, despite having been declared a social media expert in any number of asinine think pieces, Trump doesn’t know much about the Internets. Otherwise, it’s likely that he would already be aware of these pics. I feel like I have a pretty good idea of who Donald Trump is, based on certain statements he’s made, and he definitely seems like he would be into that sort of thing. Donald Trump, Jr., especially when his mullet is on point, looks similar to a guy a friend of mine went to school with.
There was always quite a bit of ho-ing going on in the military, even before they let girls in combat units, which helps explain why there’s so many noodz circulating. Female soldiers take nude photos of themselves to distribute to male soldiers, to generate interest in their wares. Male soldiers, because they don’t have to pay the rent or anything, spend a significant amount of their income on hoo-ers. If female soldiers aren’t retiring with millions of dollars in the bank, it’s because women aren’t good at managing their finances. They’re spending entirely too much money on fake hair.
Similarly, and perhaps unsurprisingly, transgender women aren’t signing up for the military because they saw Mel Gibson’s Hacksaw Ridge and were filled with a sense of patriotism.
After it was announced that Trump is banning transgender soldiers, I was surprised to learn, via some blowhard’s Twitter (nullus), that there’s more than 15,000 transgender soldiers in the military. I consulted the Google, and according to PolitiFact, this is more or less true. The Pentagon doesn’t keep stats on that sort of thing, but the 15,000 figure (actually 15,500) is based on a fairly legit-sounding study.
Come to find out, the reason a lot of these people signed up for the military is because apparently there’s some law that says the military is required to pay for gender reassignment surgery, which costs $100,000. Many transgender people can’t get very good jobs, due to rampant discrimination, so unless they’re independently wealthy, that might be the only they can afford to (safely) have their junk done away with.
You’d think it would be easier to just change the law rather than kick 15,000 people out of the military (which is hard up for soldiers to the point where they let a lot of gang-bangers and white supremacists in), but I’m not sure how that would work. I was pre-med. It might involve having to rewrite the entire Constitution.
People have pointed out that the military spends more money on Viagra than gender reassignment surgery—which does kinda seem ridiculous. They might consider cutting down on treating erectile dysfunction, if only because it might help get rid of the problems they’re having with ho-ing, sexual assault and what have you.
But a lot of that money is probably being spent on older guys who are long since retired. Guys who are active duty military age should be able to get a rod no problem. Then there’s the fact that the Pentagon is notorious for overspending. They spend $600 on a toilet seat, and $1.5 trillion (with a t) for a plane that doesn’t even work. But as Eddie King Jr. would say, two wrongs don’t make a right.
It would be easier to be in favor of Trump’s transgender ban if it hadn’t been revealed that he plans to use the money we’ll save to build a border wall. Trump could give a rat’s ass about someone’s sexual orientation. He comes from New York, which has a higher prevalence of sexual deviants (in the value-neutral sense of the term deviant), and he was mentored by Roy Cohn, a legendary closet case.
I’m more against a border wall than I am spending taxpayer dollars on gender reassignment surgery for people in the military, because the former affects me more personally. With a border wall in place, people can’t sneak into the US to make delicious Mexican food, and I can’t eat Chinese food every night of the week. I already tried.
Take it easy on yourself,

Important Announcement
I’m now a member of Yelp’s Elite Squad.
I’m not sure what exactly that means, but there’s a notice on the special, private web page for Elite Squad members that says you shouldn’t try to intimidate business owners or demand special treatment … which leads me to believe that I might be able to intimidate business owners and demand special treatment. From what I understand, you also get free shit.
If anything cool happens, maybe I’ll write about it. Stay tuned.
Somali cop must have feared for his life
REVIEW: Big Baby Q and Smokehouse
Did you enjoy this issue?
Become a member for $5 per month
Don’t miss out on the other issues by Byron Crawford
You can manage your subscription here
If you were forwarded this newsletter and you like it, you can subscribe here.
Powered by Revue