When I wrote, a few weeks ago, about Jay-Z trying to talk Travis Scott out of performing at the Super Bowl, the result was a resounding who the hell is Travis Scott?
It was a reminder that things that are presented as being popular by America’s worst media outlets (the true enemy of the people, as the president has correctly pointed out) are oftentimes not just unpopular, but completely unheard of.
It’s since been announced that Travis Scott will in fact be performing at the Super Bowl, along with Maroon 5, Atlanta native Big Boi and Gladys Knight, who will be singing the national anthem … which just goes to show how prescient a commentator I am, and the value of Life in a Shanty Town as a media organization.
As you’ll recall, Travis Scott is Kylie Jenner’s black babydaddy. Their daughter is named after the leader of The Resistance, Stormy Daniels. Kylie now has more money than Jay-Z, from a line of lipstick that gives white chicks DSLs, and could become the youngest “self-made” billionaire in history, ahead of Mark Zuckerberg.
Travis Scott probably doesn’t get any of that money, even if they do get married and then get divorced, all of which I’m sure will end up on one of the Kardashians’ reality shows, but he does get to score with Kylie Jenner, and why else would you need that much money anyway?
I suspect that Travis Scott will benefit from performing at the Super Bowl, regardless of any potential backlash, if only because, as of right now, he’s one of the most deeply anonymous ostensibly famous people in American pop culture, and this will provide some much needed exposure.
I’m at a loss for how Big Boi could possibly benefit from performing at the Super Bowl. His most recent album, Boomiverse, came out in 2017, and he doesn’t seem to have anything new coming out. (Justin Timberlake, you’ll recall, dropped an album the Friday before last year’s Super Bowl.)
I happen to know, from researching a separate matter, that not only does the NFL not pay halftime show performers, but they’ll fine you money out the ass if you do anything at all inappropriate onstage. M.I.A. was fined $16 million for flipping the bird at a camera during a Super Bowl halftime show, a while back, and later settled for an undisclosed amount. She couldn’t just not pay, as if it were a light bill in her son’s name, because she might get deported. Even her babydaddy, I think, was a Canadian.
There’s been speculation that Big Boi took the gig because he plans to mount some sort of protest during his performance. Mind you, this is from people on Twitter who, like me, don’t have to be at work in the morning. Due to the aforementioned fines, I find this hard to believe. Even if the NFL slid him some money on the low, they’d take that money right back, and then some, if he got any big ideas. No pun intended.
Gladys Knight, I happen to know, is a degenerate gambler who’s done worse things for money. I’m talking Fyre Festival worse. A few weeks ago, there was a segment on “60 Minutes” about how she’s been enlisted to shill for the Mormon Church, a legendarily racist institution which only recently began letting black people join, perhaps sensing some sort of business opportunity in the fact that many black men have children by multiple women.
The sad part about it is, no matter how much money they give her, she’s just gonna take it to a casino and feed it to a one-armed bandit. That is, if she doesn’t lose it all betting on the game. And she probably won’t be able to call on Dionne Warwick for help (that’s what friends are for), because it’s been a minute since I’ve seen one of those Psychic Friends Network commercials.
Keep smiling, keep shining and know that you can always take it easy on yourself,