When I heard that school will now be conducted via Zoom meetings, I of course had questions.
Like, will they even bother having kindergarten? You don’t do anything except piss your pants, throw a crying fit, eat milk and cookies and take a nap—not necessarily in that order.
I feel like you can do all of those things in the comfort of your own home, without some 26-year-old white chick watching you via webcam, as if this were some bizarro version of MyFreeCams or Chaturbate.
Whatever we were paying someone to teach that class, we should get that money back, plus whatever it costs to distribute free laptops to five-year-olds, just so they can pee on them or, god forbid, figure out how to get on Pr0nHub.
I’d also be curious to know what black child worth his salt will actually show up to some shit like this. Certainly, no truly authentic black child would show to school that’s not even being held at the school.
Do you even get free lunch, if you’re going to school via Zoom meeting? If not, I’d be curious to know what they’re doing with that ostensibly gross and yet strangely delicious pizza.
I feel like learning anything at all during Corona would almost be like continuing to pick cotton on the day after Juneteenth. I’m not sure if I’d trust any black person who actually completed an assignment that they didn’t have to turn in.
If I were an older student, I might log in just to have a look at the teacher. She might be in the Zoom meeting showing feet, as if she were Doja Cat. I’m sure standards of professionalism aren’t what they would be if you were in the building.
Some of the most powerful rods I ever got (nullus) were in a high school history class. It may have been because the class was so boring. I knew, even before I heard Let’s Get Free by dead prez (which came out when I was an adult), not to trust any history class taught by white people.
Fortunately, I never had to do the thing where I was called up to the front of the room to draw something on the chalkboard. I’m not even sure what you’d draw on the chalkboard in history class. A picture of Native Americans serving up maze (you call it corn) during the first Thanksgiving?
Anyway, depending on how your laptop is situated, you could probably rub one out during a Zoom meeting class without anyone knowing, provided your face doesn’t get too contorted during the climax, and provided none of the load ends up on your webcam.
You’ll have to forgive me for getting a little bit graphic. These are difficult times we’re living in.
Speaking of which, I was wondering what school shooters would do now that school is being held from home, and I guess we have our answer.
One of these websites spoke to some kids who went to school with Kyle Rittenhouse, the kid who shot up the Black Lives Matter protest in Kenosha, WI, and they said they always figured he’d be a school shooter.
And who knows, maybe he would have shot up a school, if people were still going to school. He was young enough to still be in school. In fact, his mother drove him from Illinois to Wisconsin and dropped him off at the protest.
I wonder if she forced him to give her a kiss when he got out of the car, and that was the thing that set him off.
Law enforcement, generally speaking, could give a rat’s ass if white people commit crimes. Hence the video of Rittenhouse shooting up the protest and then calmly walking back to his mother’s car. But they might need to start tracking these school shootings that take place outside of school.
It’s still August, and already there’s been one shooting that should have taken place in a school, where only children can be hit. It used to be that school didn’t even start until after Labor Day. It might be necessary to open the schools back up just to keep the streets safe, Corona be damned.
I already spent upwards of 20 years in school. I shouldn’t be forced to take these risks all over again. Especially if I’m not allowed to log in to these Zoom meetings, where teachers may or may not be showing feet.
Take it easy on yourself,