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We demand justice for Amber Heard

We demand justice for Amber Heard
By Byron Crawford • Issue #412 • View online
Yeah, Amber Heard lied about Johnny Depp being abusive, and she probably stole money from Elon Musk, but did anyone ever stop to think how she might feel?
Clearly something went horribly wrong in their relationship, or else she wouldn’t have taken a shit in Depp’s bed and blamed it on the dog.
I’m disgusted that someone would do that to a bed, and I’m concerned about the dog’s reputation. If only there was a way the dog could testify.
If I were Depp, I would have insisted on letting the dog take the stand. Dogs can’t speak English, but sometimes a dog’s owner has an intuitive sense of what it’s trying to communicate, e.g. Timmy in the TV show “Lassie.”
I guess Depp won anyway, so what difference does it make?
Heard was so distraught that it must not have occurred to her that most people can tell the difference between dog shit and human being shit.
Perhaps because they only eat dog food, which smells delicious, dogs don’t produce anything nearly as gross as what comes out of a human being, let alone a woman. (Women’s shit smells worse than men’s, and it’s disappointing to think that attractive women even have bowel movements.)
I’m sorry that Johnny Depp had to go through that. Fortunately, he’s got enough money that he could just throw away the entire bed, rather than trying to clean it off and pretend not to smell it.
And that’s even after Amber Heard tried to destroy his career.
Somehow, she only got $7 million in their divorce. I wonder if she was upset that she didn’t get anywhere near half of his net worth. Girls who look way worse than her have gotten way more money, from guys who aren’t as famous.
She promised to donate the entire amount to the ACLU and maybe another charity (probably not the Humane Society), and I think the idea was to get Elon Musk to pay for it.
She got with Musk after she was with Depp, and it’s a testament to how attractive she still was, in her 30s at that point. The wall was definitely approaching, but at a leisurely pace, as if she were a black chick.
If only she were with Musk for longer. She probably could have gotten him to cut a check for the $7 million she promised various charities, or she may have been able to withdraw it from his checking account without him noticing.
He’s since impregnated Grimes twice, and I heard he’s got like seven other kids. I bet he puts in a lot of work on the low. I don’t have a problem believing he pulls his schlong out on an airplane.
It doesn’t make sense to me why Amber Heard should have to pay Johnny Depp $10 million, when she didn’t get that much money from him in the first place. How’s she supposed to get $10 million?
Even if you adjust for the $2 million that Depp’s lawyer has to pay her (anyone wanna guess this guy’s religion; I can tell you which one it’s not), that’s still $8 million. She doesn’t keep that kind of money just lying around.
She’s one of the finest women to ever walk the earth, and she once had an acting career of her own, but she’s well into her 30s now, and she might struggle to find work after this trial. Directors might not feel comfortable having her on set.
I’d invite her into my home, in part because it’s already filthy, but also because I’m not worried about her copping a squat on my duvet cover. I don’t think she’d find it necessary to do that.
I could tell, looking at her on the witness stand, that she’s never been properly loved by a black man, and I think that might be her problem. If she’d been with me, she wouldn’t even have been in court—at least not for anything she did.
That might be something for her to think about this weekend, when she’s trying to text Elon. He probably won’t want anything to do with her, at this point. I can’t do anything for her financially, but I’ve got something that might cheer her up.


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