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Vaccinate me once, shame on YOU

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Life in a Shanty Town

December 4 · Issue #257 · View online

The hip-hop newsletter that's not afraid to ask the tough questions


Internets,
What if the Corona vaccine is just a plot to make it so that black guys can’t get a rod? Hear me out!
It was announced yesterday that Barack Obama, George W. Bush and Bill Clinton would be taking the vaccine on live TV, so that we know it’s safe.
That wasn’t enough to convince me, because I know better than to think that any of them—even George W. Bush—would take a shot that would cause them to immediately drop dead on live TV, as cool as that would be.
I’ve read both the 48 Laws of Power and the 50 Cent version of the 48 Laws of Power.
There’s no way that three former presidents would take an essentially untested vaccine without giving it to a few Secret Service agents and/or kids from those camps for undocumented migrants to see what happens.
Watching on TV, there’s no way to know that the former presidents aren’t being shot up with some sort of placebo. Recall that Obama once stood behind a podium and pretended to drink from a glass of tap water from Flint, MI.
His lips weren’t even wet! (No Elliot Page.)
I’m also concerned that Jimmy Carter has chosen to opt out of this little experiment. Does he think that people will somehow forget that he’s still alive? He’s on the NBC Nightly News once every few months building houses for Habitat for Humanity, whenever they don’t have a story to run about the ongoing obesity epidemic.
Jimmy Carter is damn near 100 years old, and he looks even older than that. If he took the Corona vaccine, and his arm didn’t immediately fall off, I’d be a lot more impressed.
Bill Clinton looked like he could die any minute, when he was on the campaign trail with Hillary in 2016. He almost looked as bad as she did. But I’m pretty sure he was just fatigued from staying up all night fucking. With Hillary distracted, he was free to carry on as if he were still in late ‘70s Arkansas, with Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours playing on cassette in the background.
When Hillary somehow managed to lose to Donald Trump, it ruined Bills plans for the next four to eight years, and he’ll probably never forgive her for that. He was highly upset on the campaign trail, as it became increasingly clear that Hillary didn’t stand a chance. Remember when he went off on that chick who asked him about the '94 crime bill?
Then there’s the fact that there’s no way to tell if the Corona vaccine has affected the former presidents’ sexual function.
Certainly, Bill Clinton would never take anything that would interfere with his ability to get a rod, and I’m sure he’s discussed that with whoever’s conducting this vaccine PSYOP.
It might be for the best if George W. Bush were rendered impotent, because he’s gotten overly familiar with Michelle Obama since leaving office. She says she likes him because he’s always got Werther’s Originals in his pocket. It’s only a matter of time before he tries to get her to reach down in there.
Barack Obama must know what’s going on, but he might be afraid to check Dubya, lest he plays into stereotypes about angry black men, like the token black guys on the first several seasons of “The Real World.”
It’s quite possible that the vaccine was intentionally designed to disproportionately affect black people, like the AIDS virus, so I’d be especially interested to see what effect, if any, it has on Obama.
Of course he’s not going to come out and say that he can’t get a rod anymore, both out of embarrassment and for fear of being taken out by the CIA. The key might be to closely observe Michelle Obama for the next few months. Does she look like she’s been effectively pounded out? Are her arms even more strong-looking than usual?
I’m not saying I won’t take the vaccine. I’m just saying. I might give it a few weeks to see what the potential side effects might be.
The cure can’t be worse than the disease.
Take it easy on yourself,
Bol

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