Jay-Z is trying to talk Travis Scott out of performing at the Super Bowl, but I suspect that his real beef is that Scott’s baby’s mother, Kylie Jenner, has as much money as him, if not more.
It was announced the other day that Jay-Z and Kylie Jenner are tied on this year’s Forbes List—not the bullshit rap Forbes List, the real one, with George Lucas, Oprah Winfrey and Michael Jordan.
Supposedly, they’re both worth exactly $900 million, which was good enough to tie them for fifth. Because they come up with those figures by pulling numbers out of their asses, I’m assuming they did that on purpose, to generate publicity for the magazine, and as a PSYOP to remind black people that you can spend your entire life selling crack to your own relatives, compromising your art and pretending to like Beyoncé, and still not have as much money as a not particularly attractive white chick who culturally appropriated DSLs.
I remember, a while back, they had Kylie on a cover that touted her as being on the verge of becoming the world’s youngest self-made billionaire. Mark Zuckerberg became a billionaire at 23. Kylie is 21, so I guess she’s got two years left. I remember she wasn’t quite legal when Kanye West Superstar dropped, though she already had a pretty decent body. Funny how time flies.
She’s since had a baby with the obscure and yet wildly popular Travis Scott (I challenge you to find a proper adult who knows who he is) named after resistance martyr Stormy Daniels, and I’m assuming her body is now mostly plastic. Tyga, a sort of auxiliary Kardashian, by way of his baby with Blac Chyna, once intimated that he hit that back when she wasn’t quite legal. Alas, there was no way he could impregnate her without being found out by law enforcement.
Travis Scott is neither married nor engaged to Kylie, but that might actually be for the best. If they did get married, I’m sure Kris Jenner would insist on a prenup, lest he end up with a piece of Kylie Cosmetics; whereas, if he remains merely a babydaddy, and they end up breaking up for whatever reason, he can sue for spousal support, like Kevin Federline. He’ll need money to finance his court-supervised visitations on Sunday afternoons at the playground at a Burger King.
I’m sure he has money of his own, from his rap career, but I’m not sure how much. His song “Sicko Mode” has been the number one song in the country for the past couple of weeks, but I keep seeing these infographics on Twitter that explain that for a million streams on Spotify you only get like $1,000—a life-altering amount for Bol, but they probably wouldn’t even let you through the gate in Calabasas if they thought you had $1,000 in your account. You’d have to hop a fence, and then they’ve got you for trespassing.
Scott’s profile will increase as a result of performing at the Super Bowl, both because it’s one of the most watched events on television, and because it might lead to a minor backlash from salty black people of a certain age on Twitter. Fortunately for him, I can’t imagine that the latter will have much of an effect on his career, I mean if they’ve yet to get Kaepernick a job and/or shut down the NFL. I heard the new XXXTentacion album (the number one album in the country right now) was streamed something ridiculous like 100 million times in its first few days of release, no thanks to the girls at Pitchfork still trying to kneecap his corpse.
Alas, no amount of congratulating yourself for being morally superior to a juvenile delinquent will unchoke Tentacion’s ex-girlfriend. Similarly, I can’t imagine that anyone who would buy a Travis Scott album gives a shit what Jay-Z thinks.
Take it easy on yourself,