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The bright side of coronavirus

Internets, If I don't die of Corona, 2020 could end up being the best year of my life, for what it's

Life in a Shanty Town

March 27 · Issue #184 · View online
The hip-hop newsletter that's not afraid to ask the tough questions

If I don’t die of Corona, 2020 could end up being the best year of my life, for what it’s worth.
A lot of people are out of a job, or facing imminent death from a pandemic, or forced to spend more time with loved ones than they’d prefer, but my life has hardly changed.
I’m still working five days a week, because I’m essential (natch). Warehouse #2 is part of the retail/grocery supply chain. But it’s not as bad as actually working in a store, because you don’t have to come in contact with the general public. God forbid.
I was working seven days a week, because the department store where I work on weekends managed to snag an exemption on the basis that they sell like four food items and they’ve got a soda machine. But they decided to shut it down anyway, because no one was going in there.
Fortunately, I’m about to get these Corona Reparations, which will more than make up for the few dollars I won’t be making for the next few weekends—especially when you consider that I don’t have to do anything to get it. All you have to do is have worked in 2018 and not made too much money, which, I’ve got both of those things covered!
There’s years of my life, in my actual adulthood, when I didn’t make enough money to even qualify for Corona Reparations, so I’m glad this happened when it did. And I do feel bad for all of my NEETs, i.e. grown people who are neither employed nor going to school, who won’t be able to get that new Call of Duty or whatever.
I imagine this will be an especially difficult time for guys who live at home with their moms, and their moms aren’t working because, being women, their jobs are considered nonessential (lol jk). It’s hard enough to get a rod these days, what with the amount of fluoride in the water. Imagine trying to rub one out with your mom in the next room.
My lifestyle has hardly changed, since I didn’t get out much anyway, and when I did, I definitely didn’t need people walking up on me. I’ve been eating bulk quantity ground beef that I keep in my freezer in off-brand Ziploc bags, which has done wonders for my finances, but on my way home from work this week I’ve seen a lot of people in the drive-thru at Popeye’s, and I might have to join them when this check clears my account.
As far as what else I plan to do with my $1200, I have no idea. What else can you even buy right now? Amazon stopped stocking a lot of things they don’t consider essential, and obviously I’m not about to spend $1200 of free money on something I actually need. I can’t go over to the East Side and get some glitter on my face, because that’s pretty much asking to catch something even in the best of times.
They’re gonna have to open everything back up when these checks come out, just to get the economy back in order. Trump said he wants everything back up and running by Easter. Imagine if the stock market really does recover on the day Jesus got down off of that cross, or whatever he supposedly did. Trump would be guaranteed a second term. He’s running against Biden, so he’s got a better chance than he should have regardless.
Corona almost certainly won’t be over by Easter, but there’s no way people will be able to stay cooped up for that long, especially once they’ve got a few dollars in their pocket. Yesterday was the first nice day of the year here in the STL. This weekend, people will be out barbecuing, shooting at each other and what have you. It’s just not in a black man’s nature to stay inside when it’s nice out.
Take it easy on yourself,

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