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T.I. vs. Toll Booth Willie

Internets, You'd think that the police in scenic Stockbridge, GA, would understand that a man can't v
T.I. vs. Toll Booth Willie
By Byron Crawford • Issue #56 • View online
Internets,
You’d think that the police in scenic Stockbridge, GA, would understand that a man can’t very well avoid being drunk in public if he can’t get into his own house—and you’d be sadly mistaken.
The other day, T.I. was arrested for not having a key to the gated community where he lives, in an area just south of Atlanta, and for berating and threatening to put a shoe on the guy who works in a guard shack at the entrance to the neighborhood, and for perhaps having had a little bit too much to drink, in what his Jewish lawyer argues—and I would agree—was a horrific miscarriage of justice.
He’d been out drinking on a Tuesday, as one does, with his weed carrier Marquinarius Sanchez Holmes (no, really), who was driving. Presumably, Holmes hadn’t been drinking. When this all blows over, T.I. might consider getting him a key to the gated community. He wouldn’t have to sweat Holmes breaking into his house and stealing Tiny’s meth stash, because his job already involves knowing where the drugs are at all times, in case there’s an issue with the police.
Neither of them had a key when they got back to the gated community at the ass crack of 3 AM. T.I. says that the guy working security, in a little guard shack, was sound asleep. In retrospect, his best bet would have been to let the guy keep sleeping. He could have called Tiny, and maybe she could have tossed the keys over the fence. I doubt either of them could hop a fence much taller than one of those gates people use to keep toddlers from getting into the kitchen.
I’m altogether unfamiliar with Holmes, but the fact that his middle name is Sanchez doesn’t inspire confidence in anything other than his ability to act as a drug mule.
Tiny ended up having to come out there anyway, when the rent-a-cop wouldn’t open the gate for T.I., even after the rapper both identified himself and called Tiny and had her try to vouch for him over the phone. The idea that the guy would open the gate because someone called him on the phone and told him it was cool seems ridiculous, but I guess they figured it was worth a shot. He’s working overnights in a guard shack, they may have thought. How smart can he be?
The guy finally opened the gate, and T.I. et al. drove home. But then T.I. returned on foot to have a word with the security guard, at which point the evening, if you can still call it that, took a turn for the worse. The security guard says that T.I. began banging on the glass window of the guard shack and asking for the guy’s name, which the guy wouldn’t give him. It must not have occurred to either of them that T.I. could just call the rent-a-cop agency and get the guy’s name.
In the background of the 911 call, which has yet to be released (I’ve got my fingers crossed), T.I. can be heard ordering the guy to exit the guard shack so that the two of them could handle this like grown-ish men. The security guard, who was on the phone with a 911 dispatcher for 10 minutes, said he felt threatened by the rapper. T.I. was charged with simple assault, but it’s not clear to me that the assault wasn’t merely emotional in nature, like the attack on “Karen” at the illegal barbecue in Oakland, CA.
TMZ later posted a video of T.I. getting booked in jail. It’s not as bad as the great video of Shia LaBeouf getting locked up, but it’s not anything I would want posted on TMZ, if I had any choice in the matter. T.I. keeps asking the cop who arrested him why he was arrested. The cop says it’s because he was acting a damn fool. T.I. also cites his rights as an American and how much it costs him to live in that community, which just goes to show how drunk he was.
He’s lucky 5-0 didn’t just pop a cap in his ass. This is not 2009, or whenever it was, when Skip Gates was arrested for trying to break into his own house. T.I. almost certainly won’t be invited to a “beer summit” on the White House lawn with Trump, Kanye, Jim Brown, Pastor Darrell Scott and Mike Tyson. Though arguably, with his expanding, malaproptastic vocabulary and his tendency to misplace his keys, he has become the hip-hop equivalent of the famed Harvard professor.
Take it easy on yourself,
Bol

 

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