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Should George H.W. Bush be allowed to use a wheelchair?

Internets, I'm officially against sexual assault, but I'm glad to see that George H.W. Bush is still
Should George H.W. Bush be allowed to use a wheelchair?
By Byron Crawford • Issue #27 • View online
Internets,
I’m officially against sexual assault, but I’m glad to see that George H.W. Bush is still out here doing his thing at the age of 93. It gives me hope that if I live to be that old, which I won’t, I won’t be completely debilitated.
The other day, an actress no one ever heard of went on Instagram and said that Bush grabbed her ass while the two of them were taking a group photo. Since then, at least two other women have come forward with similar complaints.
One girl interviewed by Deadspin (ostensibly a sports site) said the former president joked that his favorite magician was David Cop-a-feel. Barbara Bush simply rolled her eyes and remarked that if he kept grabbing girls asses he’d be thrown in jail.
In retrospect, it seems obvious that the first President Bush is a sex predator. Er, something along those lines. The dead giveaway was his collection of weird socks, as well as his hobby of jumping from airplanes strapped to another guy’s back.
Many of his accusations took place at a Waiting for Guffman-esque theater in Kennebunkport, ME, where he spends his summers, and it raises the question: Does he even like theater? It seems unlikely that a man his age could stay awake for the length of a play.
In all of these accounts, Barbara Bush is right by his side, expressing disappointment, but in a joking manner, which provides some insight into why he married her in the first place, despite her looks. Barbara Bush is the definition of a ride-or-die bitch.
In a statement, George H.W. Bush copped a plea, explaining that because he’s an old-ass man in a wheelchair, his hand sometimes lands on a woman’s lower back, and then he cracks a dumb joke to make the situation less awkward. He doesn’t mean anything by it.
It was a surprisingly terse and dismissive statement, given the serious nature of the allegations, but the thing is, what could those girls possibly do to President Bush? He hasn’t had a job in 25 years, and he’s probably got about six months left to live.
If you notice, all of these campaigns against sexual harassers have focused on trying to get people removed from high profile jobs, rather than sued or thrown in jail, as if an unemployed man can’t rape someone. I guess psychologically it might be more difficult to get a rod.
Incidentally, the campaigns are being conducted by people who I’m sure wouldn’t mind having said high profile jobs themselves. But you’d be the moral equivalent of a non-acquaitance rapist to suggest that the one has anything to do with the other.
I’m not sure how Constitutional this would be, but one possible punishment for President Bush would be if he weren’t allowed to use a wheelchair and instead had to be carted around in a wheelbarrow like a 90-pound sack of manure, which, in a sense, is what he is.
If driving a car is considered a privilege, not a right, and therefore can be taken away for something as benign as a no-fatality DUI, it’s only right that using a wheelchair should also be considered a privilege. Is a wheelchair not a sort of vehicle?
In the mid ‘00s, I spearheaded a campaign to have Johnny Carson’s corpse dug up and dumped in a wet cardboard box in an empty lot in a bad neighborhood, because of a racist joke he made in 1977. If I remember correctly, it was even written about in the Guardian.
I’d suggest a similar campaign here, but I’m not trying to have my name added to a list of Black Identity Extremists. Representatives of the private prison company GEO Group recently met with Trump at Mar-A-Lago. Could it be that they’re planning something?
When these allegations first surfaced, my first thought was, does this girl not know who she’s fucking with? George H.W. Bush single handedly masterminded Iran-Contra and the crack epidemic. Imagine how many people he’s had killed.
Remember that time Tabitha Soren interviewed him on the back of a train, during the '92 election? You could tell he thought, however briefly, about choking her out and tossing her over the railing onto the tracks.
George H.W. Bush probably doesn’t have the grip strength to rub one out anymore, let alone choke a woman to death, but I’m sure he still has contacts at the CIA. Someone will have to keep an eye on this actress, and not just because, I’m assuming, she has a nice ass.
Take it easy on yourself,
Bol

Speaking of men of a certain age...
Pic by Theotis Jones a/k/a @DrIMWarp
Pic by Theotis Jones a/k/a @DrIMWarp
Podcast host ‘Combat Jack’ is fighting colon cancer
#CombatCancer
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Byron Crawford

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