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Rappers don't owe your kids

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Life in a Shanty Town

July 16 · Issue #321 · View online

The hip-hop newsletter that's not afraid to ask the tough questions


Internets,
Black fathers are stepping up big time in 2021, and one of the ways that’s manifesting itself is in the form of Drake showing up to high school basketball games so he can score with one of the kids’ mothers.
The other day, the “Nice for What” rapper was photographed on a date with a very lucky single mom at Dodger Stadium in LA. He’d rented out the entire building.
Not only is that expensive, I’m sure, but they probably won’t allow just anyone to rent an MLB stadium. Otherwise, it might be worth it, if you had the means and, well, a use for it. Especially if you could get it hourly, like some of the more considerate motels.
Arguably, this woman is morally obligated to have sex with Drake.
Another way this resurgence of responsibility is manifesting itself is in the form of my distant relative DaBaby refusing to be fleeced by children, as if he were in family court.
In a viral video that’s been circulating for the past few days, a couple of enterprising young brothers approached DaBaby’s tour bus trying to sell him some candy bars.
DaBaby is an intelligent person (I mean, obviously), and I’m sure the fact alone that these kids were selling candy bars raised a red flag. If DaBaby wanted a candy bar, he could just send one of his weed carriers to a CVS. With these apps, you could probably pay some otherwise unemployed father of four to bring you a candy bar for like $5.
I used to get kids trying to sell me candy bars when I lived in what you might call an emerging part of town. They may have profiled me. They always claimed to need money to travel to some basketball tournament, and they never changed their story, raising the question, when is this fucking basketball tournament?
DaBaby, who had what appeared to be $400,000 in cash on him, as one does, asked one of the kids how much he charged for the entire box of candy. The kid said $200. DaBaby pointed out that the box only held 34 candy bars, and the kid was charging $2 a bar, so the entire box, if it was full, should have only been $68.
I wasn’t impressed that DaBaby could do the math in his hand, because I don’t have lower expectations of people based on their occupation.
DaBaby asked the other kid how much he wanted for his box of candy. Perhaps in solidarity with his friend, who, for what it’s worth, might not be able to do basic math, the other kid also said $200.
If the other kid had said $68, DaBaby probably would have given him the entire $400,000. He could have invested in Vanguard index funds and retired at the age of 12, living off the interest. Instead, DaBaby bought one candy bar from each of the kids and sent them on their way with a valuable lesson.
Namely, if you’re going to obviously lie to someone, let it be someone who’s not in a position to potentially give you $400,000, or a woman.
Ah, the naivety of youth.
Take it easy on yourself,
Bol

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