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Nas Album Doomed

Internets, When it was announced the other day that Nas has a new album coming out in June it didn't
Nas Album Doomed
By Byron Crawford • Issue #53 • View online
Internets,
When it was announced the other day that Nas has a new album coming out in June it didn’t seem like a very good idea, and that was before it was revealed that he supposedly used to put a shoe on Kelis.
Of course the primary concern—aside from my abiding sense of concern for a woman’s safety, natch—is that Nas won’t have time to properly promote this album or release a single that anyone gives a shit about.
If only he did have a (new) song that anyone gives a shit about. These days, if you can drop a hot single, you don’t have to sweat promoting your album. It was announced a while back that the next Drake album, Scorpion, will be certified gold the day it’s released, because enough people had already streamed “God’s Plan” and “Nice for What"—and "Nice for What” had only been out for a few days at that point.
If time permits, Nas might consider dropping a song with Tekashi 6ix9ine. They’re both from New York, and 6ix9ine is supposedly phenomenally popular. Recently, it was announced that his sixth consecutive song had charted on the Billboard Hot 100, and I don’t know that he’s released more than six songs in his life. He once filmed himself and another guy using a 13-year-old girl as a pair of Chinese handcuffs, and he had to study to take a GED exam, but Nas can’t be overly concerned with his image now that it’s been revealed that he used to beat the brakes off of Kelis. Allegedly.
Then there’s the fact that the album, I’m assuming, is produced by Kanye. Or else why would Kanye be announcing its release date, along with albums by Kanye & Kid Cudi, Pusha T, Teyana Taylor, and maybe a few other G.O.O.D. Music people who no one gives a shit about? CyHi the Prynce has been working overtime this week caping for Kanye. It’s only right that his effort should be rewarded.
I’d run down the litany of Kanye’s offenses in the past few weeks alone, but that would require a separate newsletter unto itself, if not a sequel to Kanye West Superstar. Suffice it to say that he seems to have gone off his meds, and that another trip to the padded room where he was forced to spend Thanksgiving 2016 could be in order.
One thing I will point out is that he recently kicked his old lawyer and manager to the curb in favor of Kris Jenner. Is it any wonder, then, that no one other than John Legend (via text message) seems to have made a sincere effort to intervene? It’s in her best interest financially for him to spiral out of control as spectacularly as possible. (I’m assuming that she’s the one behind this interview he filmed with Charlamagne Tha God, which they’re supposedly trying to shop for $10 million, possibly as a very special episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.)
She could be set to cash in. I was concerned about the commercial prospects of this forthcoming Kanye album, until he announced that he’s joined the alt-right. Now I’m thinking it could be a colossal hit, this despite the fact that there’s no lead single, the one snippet that was leaked to TMZ sucks balls and it’s supposedly only got seven songs on it—which is no good for gaming Billboard’s new ranking methodology.
I think I speak for a lot of people who, like myself, wouldn’t otherwise listen to a Kanye album, when I say that I can’t wait for this crap to hit the Internets—preferably either YouTube or the ad-supported version of Spotify. Fortunately, I seem to recall hearing that Kanye is on the outs with Tidal, either because they refused to pay him extra to release the Life of Pablo as a Tidal exclusive or maybe because of that time he went off on a rant about how Jay Z has killers and Blue Ivy isn’t allowed in his house. (Maybe those things are all related.)
Nas, meanwhile, might be forced to drum up some publicity based on the fact that he’s supposedly a wife beater. Maybe he can go on some sort of apology tour. He’s fortunate that this was revealed in a week when Meek Mill was sprung from the pokey, Bill Cosby was finally punished for trying to buy NBC and Kim Jong-un supposedly traveled to South Korea and announced an official end to the Korean War, which, up until just now, was apparently a thing that still existed—not to mention this Kanye mess and any number of white supremacist killing sprees.
I took a look at Nas’ social media just now, and there isn’t any indication that he’s even aware that he’s got a new album coming out soon, let alone that he’s trying to promote it. So it could just be that Kanye, who’s mentally ill, pulled this Nas album out of his ass, and Nas didn’t have the sense to issue some sort of correction, because he’s dumb.
Given the circumstances, that might actually be the best case scenario.
Take it easy on yourself,
Bol

 

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