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My thoughts already were with Tomi Lahren

Internets, I would jump to Tomi Lahren's defense if I saw a couple of drunk sorority sluts throw wate
My thoughts already were with Tomi Lahren
By Byron Crawford • Issue #57 • View online
Internets,
I would jump to Tomi Lahren’s defense if I saw a couple of drunk sorority sluts throw water on her, but only if I thought I might be able to score with her.
I don’t agree with anything Lahren says, other than that the validity of Jay Z’s opinion is at least somewhat mitigated by the fact that he used to be a crack dealer, but if the NFL’s new national anthem policy has taught us anything, it’s that sometimes you have to set your beliefs aside to get what you want out of life.
Not that Lahren, a/k/a Tammy, is the best-looking woman in the world. She’s young, blonde and height-weight proportional, which by definition makes her an attractive woman (at least a 6/10), but she doesn’t have a whole lot else going for her. Ann Coulter was probably way hotter, before the sun had its way with her. Tammy will eventually be similarly diminished. If you want to get in there, now is the time.
The other day, one of Lahren’s fellow young white chicks threw a glass of water on her at brunch at a restaurant in—where else?—Minnesota, as part of what seems to be an ongoing trend of attacking conservative commentators in public. Recently, a group of (actual) socialists shouted at Milo, causing him to have to leave a bar in New York. Milo later argued that he can’t be a white supremacist, because he has a black husband. If only he’d had the black guy there with him. Nullus.
Arguably, black people invented harassing white people at brunch during the Black Lives Matter protests that erupted after the Mike Brown shooting, and this attack on Tomi Lahren was yet another example of white women co-opting the black woman’s swag, not unlike when Kylie Jenner got cornrows. Now Kylie has a baby by Travis Scott, named after Stormy Daniels, thus robbing some (emotionally) deserving black woman of a healthy child-support check.
Lahren says she won’t be pressing charges against the girls who threw water on her, which, I wonder if that would have been the case if a couple of black chicks had thrown water on her. Nah, right? The manager of the restaurant, “Karen,” would have been on the phone with 5-0 with a quickness, talking about the vicious attack that was taking place. This week alone, three black chicks, supposedly actresses, were dragged kicking and screaming from a Houston’s for spending too much time in the restroom.
Wednesday morning, Tammy was on “Fox & Friends,” to relive the brutal assault for clout purposes. Shortly thereafter the president, who gets his news from the morning talk show, and from nightly bedtime phone calls with Sean Hannity, announced on Twitter that “Everybody is with Tomi Lahren, a truly outstanding and respected young woman!” Many black people were upset that Trump tweeted about Tammy more or less immediately, but it took him several weeks to thank James Shaw Jr. for heroically disarming an AR-15-wielding pantsless Nazi. They understand that the president is a white supremacist, but they seek validation from him anyway.
Is it any wonder that Colin Kaepernick’s national anthem protest only resulted in him being kicked out of the league, NFL players being forced to kneel during the anthem as if they were slaves, or else, and Jemele Hill being demoted to blogging for some obscure black-interest sports website?
Take it easy on yourself,
Bol

 

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