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Make low information voters apathetic again

Internets, Kanye West seems to have renounced the Sunken Place, and just in time for the midterm elec
Make low information voters apathetic again
By Byron Crawford • Issue #80 • View online
Internets,
Kanye West seems to have renounced the Sunken Place, and just in time for the midterm elections. Could this be the thing to save us from once seemingly certain impending doom? We can only hope.
In a statement posted—where else?—on Twitter, Kanye announced that he’d been used to spread messages that he doesn’t believe in, and that he’s distancing himself from politics in order to focus on being creative, i.e. sampling some other guy’s record and then having someone else write rhymes for him to say over it.
I’m glad to hear that he’s done with politics, if only for fear that he may have succeeded in getting Trump to abolish the 13th Amendment, i.e. the one that (sorta kinda) freed black people from slavery, though I question his motives.
Kanye probably wasn’t about to vote in the election anyway, since he’s over in Africa finishing up work on Yandhi and putting together the preliminary plans for a real life Jurassic Park. His only real participation in politics has consisted of him leaning across the Resolute Desk, as it’s known, to hug a reluctant-seeming President Trump, like an especially grateful house negro, and that has no bearing on policy that I’m aware of.
Yeah, he could send in an absentee ballot, but what’s the likelihood of that happening, really? If he’s even registered to vote, it’s probably in Calabasas, and he hasn’t been there in a minute. He might be on the outs with Kim Kardashian. Before he was over in Africa, he was wandering underneath elevated train tracks in Chicago, ranting and raving about how many other black guys have had sex with his wife, as one does.
Some of our most astute black political commentators, the most literate amongst us, have pointed out that Kanye hasn’t actually changed any of his views, he’s just upset that the admittedly kinda hot Candace Owens used his name to promote a line of “Blexit” t-shirts that look like something they’d give away at a summer camp for special needs kids. (They’d actually pair well with Kanye’s shoes, which, aside from lacking Velcro straps, look like those shoes with lifts in the heel that some “special” kids used to wear.)
Regardless, Kanye says he’s done with politics, period, which means it doesn’t matter what he thinks … as if anyone, himself included, actually knew what he was thinking anyway. I bet someone from either Adidas or one of his handlers in the music industry pulled him aside and told him he needed to cut the crap, or else. I’m leaning towards Adidas, both because people still actually buy shoes and because that would help explain why he was so adamant that he didn’t have anything to do with those t-shirts.
I’ve heard conflicting reports about whether or not Kanye’s political antics have affected sales of his shoes. Supposedly, a recent Yeezy release didn’t sell as well as it should have, but that may have just been because they looked, uh, developmentally disabled. I doubt that black people have given up on Yeezys, both because we lack the discipline to boycott even the most useless consumer goods and because we love shoes. Not only did we continue buying Yeezys even when he was in the White House trying to sell us back into slavery, but we’ll resume buying his music, provided it doesn’t suck balls.
Take it easy on yourself,
Bol

 

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