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Kim Kardashian belongs with black men

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Life in a Shanty Town

December 10 · Issue #363 · View online

The hip-hop newsletter that's not afraid to ask the tough questions


Internets,
I was reading some of the coverage of Kanye West and Drake’s concert to free legendary gang member Larry Hoover, as mentioned in the song “BMF” by Rick Ross, and it got me to thinking, why isn’t Kim Kardashian involved in this?
Her whole entire family, after all, is known for getting black men off, dating back to her father’s work with OJ Simpson back in the ‘90s. (Her mother is also rumored to have worked with OJ Simpson, in a sense.)
Kim herself was once studying to be a lawyer, but word on the street is that, like JFK Jr., the leader of QAnon, she failed the bar five times and so she might have to wait a year before they let her take it again.
But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t know anything about the law. A lot of brothers who spent time in the pokey know enough law to become a certified paralegal without taking a correspondence course, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s similarly knowledgeable.
I’d hire Kim Kardashian to represent me in court, as long as it wasn’t an especially serious legal matter, if only to see how she looks in one of those pantsuits like Hillary Clinton used to wear.
Kanye and Kim have been on the outs since at least as far back as that time when Kanye, on the campaign trail, broke down in tears while recounting his valiant but ultimately failed attempt to talk Kim into aborting North West.
I can see why Kim wouldn’t want that out there, because it suggests that she wasn’t worthy to have Kanye’s baby, what with her background in film, so to speak, and the number of prominent black guys she’s been with.
Lately, she’s been spotted with comic Pete Davidson who, like the Bus Boys, is known to fuck everybody. He’s made sweet, passionate love to most young, attractive female celebrities, despite looking like he has the same STD that eventually killed Al Capone.
I’m sure it can’t be easy for Kanye to see the two of them in the paper holding hands, knowing good and well what they just got done doing. He’s seen her fuck other guys before, as we all have, but that was before he got with her.
Worse, Davidson probably hit that on Thanksgiving. Meanwhile Kanye, if social media is any indication, attended a Friendsgiving, i.e. Losers Thanksgiving, in an apartment that looked suspiciously similar to a place where I used to get wasted in college.
Did Kanye spend the day eating Domino’s Pizza and drinking Beast Light with guys who, for a variety of reasons, are no longer allowed in their parents’ houses, while Pete Davidson was balls-deep inside his wife? Because if so, that would be tragic.
Thanksgiving is already a tough day for Kanye. It was on Thanksgiving, years ago, when he had to be carted off to the looney bin, possibly to dupe an insurance company into paying out for the failed Yeezus tour, but maybe because he’s legit crazy.
Kanye can at least take solace in the fact that Kim didn’t leave him for another black guy. The fact that Pete Davidson would even be interested ought to provide a sense of validation.
I know Kanye is into status symbols. What’s more prestigious than having your wife’s vagine pounded out by a guy who once scored with Ariana Grande?
Take it easy on yourself,
Bol

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