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Is Drake hiding more children?

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Life in a Shanty Town

September 3 · Issue #335 · View online

The hip-hop newsletter that's not afraid to ask the tough questions


Internets,
The cover of the new Drake album, Certified Lover Boy, implies that he’s impregnated at least 12 women of all different races and in different color sweaters, but all with more or less the same hairstyle (the black chicks are probably wearing a wig).
My concern is that Drake has not in fact impregnated that many women and therefore he’s guilty of culturally appropriating the behavior patterns of black guys who have umpteen kids by nearly as many women.
Just because the US couldn’t even win a war with Afghanistan doesn’t mean it’s now okay to steal valor, albeit not from the troops.
A few stories of black guys with umpteen children went viral back in the mid 2010s after being featured on the local TV news in places like Memphis, where that sort of thing is prevalent.
It was never clear to me, from watching those segments, whether the cases where the guy had more than one child with one of his many babies’ mothers was a matter of multiple births, i.e. twins or triplets, or if he decided to go back for seconds, so to speak.
If it’s the latter, he might consider trying to argue in court that he shouldn’t be obligated to pay child support to that particular baby’s mother, since, at least that second time around, she knew he didn’t have the means to support a child and chose to procreate with him anyway.
Arguably, it’s her fault the kid doesn’t have anything to eat.
In some cases, the guy was having his wages garnished and split up amongst his umpteen kids. But because he had so many kids, and he didn’t make much in the first place, there just wasn’t a whole lot to go around.
Of course this wasn’t presented as an argument in favor of increasing the minimum wage, or as evidence of the fact that black fathers are stepping up for their kids (regardless of whether or not they have a choice in the matter).
If Drake has in fact impregnated a Benetton ad full of young thots, he doesn’t have to sweat having his wages from Cash Money Records garnished, to the extent that they aren’t already being garnished by Baby a/k/a Birdman.
Not only does he have enough money that he can cut a check preemptively, without being ordered to do so in a court of law, but Joe Biden recently expanded the child-tax credit to $300 a month per kid. So really those kids don’t even need any of his money.
There’s been times in my life when, based on how much (er, how little) money I was making, and my alcohol consumption, there’s no way I was eating $300 a month worth of food, and you guys know how large I am.
A child could probably get by on half that, easily. And that’s if you only have one kid. If you have four kids, that’s $1,200 a month. You could probably feed all four kids and pay the mortgage on a house nicer than my own, with that amount.
I’d suggest that Drake, if he really does have 13 kids now, consider having his child support payments prorated to account for the child-tax credit, but he might want to pay each girl the full amount, if it’ll decrease the amount he has to pay his first baby’s mother, the French hoo-er.
Not that he doesn’t have enough money to pay these new girls the same amount he pays the French hoo-er, but there should be a hard limit to how much a guy can be ordered to pay in child support, no matter how much money he has.
Vice President Kamala Harris has yet to comment on the war against black guys pursuing a career in real estate, so we can’t count on her for anything, but I’m thinking Drake might find a sympathetic ear in Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett, who recently overturned Roe v. Wade in the state of Texas.
She’s a fairly attractive woman. Maybe she’ll respond to flattery. Girls from a variety of backgrounds are receptive to Drake’s charms, if his album cover is any indication.
Take it easy on yourself,
Bol

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