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If you haven't impregnated a white sex worker, do you even rap?

Internets, Remember that episode of "Beavis and Butthead" where they weren't allowed to laugh in heal
If you haven't impregnated a white sex worker, do you even rap?
By Byron Crawford • Issue #58 • View online
Internets,
Remember that episode of “Beavis and Butthead” where they weren’t allowed to laugh in health class, or else they’d be expelled and have to go to Hope High School, and then it turned out to be sex-ed week?
That’s basically how I’ve felt since it was revealed, in Pusha T’s vicious dis track “The Story of Adidon,” that Drake has a secret baby by a white pr0n chick from France, Sophie Brussaux, d/b/a Rosée Divine.
It’s been difficult for me to concentrate at work. My job mostly just involves putting packing tape on cardboard boxes; but it’s important I don’t put the tape on crooked, lest the boxes open up in transit, and I’ve never had especially strong motor skills.
This shit could end up costing me my job!
It would have been bad enough if it were just a matter of Drake banging a white pr0n chick. It’s amusing to me that a man who could make sweet, passionate love to literally any woman, whether they want to admit to this or not, would take up with such a broad, and I’m also curious to see some of her work in film. I might have a look this weekend.
I was already somewhat familiar with Rosée Divine, from when she was appearing in those World Star Uncut videos, and as a matter of fact, she was one of the very first girls featured in RackRadar, back in the dark ages. I’d since lost track of her, and I suspect that Drake didn’t get her at her absolute best, though I’d still double-bag her.
As discussed in Kanye West Superstar, which predicted everything that’s happened in the past few weeks, Drake has been known to use my blog as a sort of thot catalog. The legendary Shay Maria danced onstage at one of his early concerts, and Shakur, who allegedly gave one of my readers genital warts, appeared in the Kanye-directed video for “Best I Ever Had.” Kanye himself signed a white chick from RackRadar to G.O.O.D. Music.
Kanye West pioneered wifing up pr0n chicks, marrying Kim Kardashian, who, because this is 2018, visited the White House this week to discuss prison reform with President Donald Trump. It remains to be seen if Drake will follow suit—but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll be a bad father. Just because Drake didn’t so much as acknowledge his child until after it was mentioned in a Pusha T song doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about it.
Drake was supposedly trying to book an appearance in an ad for his forthcoming clothing line with Adidas, Adidon, for his son Adonis, who may or may not have been named after Michael B. Jordan’s character in the Rocky spinoff Creed. I like the idea of supporting a child by providing it with an opportunity to shill for brands, both because it gives the child an opportunity to make his own money, rather than relying on his father, and because, if Drake can arrange for the child’s fee to be deposited in some sort of trust fund that he can access when he’s of age, that’ll keep his mother from getting her (literally) filthy hands on it.
I’m not sure what the child support laws are like in France (I was pre-med), but I’m thinking that, because western European countries are known to have strong social safety nets, they might not be as draconian as they are here in the US. Maybe the state will chip in in caring for the child, and that’ll prevent Drake from being taken to the cleaners. Drake is also fortunate that Brussaux, who supposedly used to work at a strip club in the Bronx, isn’t allowed to enter the US. You probably can’t sue someone for half if you can’t even get in the country, and even if she did Drake could probably pull up her oeuvre on Pr0nHub and end up getting full custody.
I’m sure Drake has better things to do than look after his own children, but sometimes being a father is about making that sacrifice.
Take it easy on yourself,
Bol

 

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