When I saw that video of Kanye West taking a piss on his Grammy, all I could think was that someone was going to have to get that Grammy out of the toilet.
The US has better plumbing than many other countries, where you have to wipe your ass with toilet paper and then leave it in a little trash can next to the toilet, but not good enough to flush a Grammy.
Kanye is mentally ill, so maybe he wouldn’t mind putting his hand down in a toilet he just peed in. Otherwise, he might consider getting his kids to do it and telling them not to mention it to their mother. Young kids left to their own devices will sometimes play around in a toilet.
I’m sure he’s got plenty of people who work for him, including Consequence, but it would be hypocritical of him to force one of his employees to reach down into a toilet, when he’s upset with his labels for forcing him to sign a “slave deal.”
If he ever manages to locate Lauren Greenfield, he should force her to reach down into a toilet, as a matter of principle. Apparently, she’s been on his payroll for years as a “music consultant.” Kanye has no idea who she is, nor does anyone on Twitter.
The name sounds like she could be related to some of the people who own the labels he’s signed to. Not to engage in stereotyping. Like, maybe they put one of their ne'er-do-well relatives on Kanye’s payroll so they didn’t have to worry about her stealing anything from their houses.
I consulted the Google re: Lauren Greenfield, and I see that the closest thing to a credible media organization reporting on this story is Uproxx, which suggests to me that she is a real person and this might be an orchestrated cover-up.
Kanye is pissed at Universal, the label that releases his albums, and Sony, the label that used to distribute releases on his G.O.O.D. Music vanity imprint, because they refuse to sell him back his masters.
He’s consulted with a lawyer, who I’m sure is completely on the up-and-up, who suggested he sue both labels for not being sufficently supportive and try to get his masters back as part of a settlement. Neither label is supporting his presidential bid, that I’m aware of, so that’s one thing they can argue.
The other option would be to try to buy his masters back, but the lawyer warns that if Taylor Swift’s masters cost $300 million, his would cost way more. Taylor Swift’s nutty online fandom was none too pleased to hear this, but it seems like it might be true.
If you look at the top songs on streaming in any given week, it’s usually shitty commercial rap music. No one wants to hear white chicks singing. Didn’t Taylor Swift drop an album like three weeks ago? No one gives a shit. They’d rather hear “Wet Ass Pussy.”
Even if Kanye’s masters cost twice as much as Taylor Swift’s (which, I hope they do), it’s not like he can’t afford it. He claims to be worth $3 billion.
He’s pissed at Forbes because they said he’s worth “only” $1.3 billion. The other day, he was briefly suspended from Twitter for tweeting contact info for Forbes editor Randall Lane, whom he has listed in his phone under the name Randall Forbes.
Execs at Sony and Universal might consider offering to sell Kanye back his masters for a billion dollars. Kanye has a high opinion of his music, so he probably thinks that’s what they’re worth anyway. He’s worth $1.3 billion, so the check shouldn’t bounce.
You’d think his lawyer, or Kim Kardashian, who’s studying to become a lawyer (she already got a lot of black men off), would prevent him from signing such a deal, but so far they’ve failed to prevent him from peeing on his Grammy and posting his contract on Twitter.
Which raises the question, who was holding the camera when he peed on that trophy? Whoever it was, I salute them for not panning too far to the right.
Take it easy on yourself,