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I miss Roe v. Wade already

I miss Roe v. Wade already
By Byron Crawford • Issue #404 • View online
I’m sure you’ve all heard the news.
The Supreme Court is planning to get rid of Roe v. Wade this summer, as if it were an unwanted pregnancy, just in time for any scheduled beach vacations.
If you’ve got a girl you need to drop off at Planned Parenthood, like Jennifer Jason Leigh in the movie Fast Times at Ridgemont High, I wouldn’t hesitate.
If you can get her in there this weekend, and she heals up in time, maybe you can get her in there one more time before they shut down, for old time’s sake.
The thing is, we don’t know when they’re shutting down. We only know a plan is underway because a draft version of the opinion was leaked the other day.
Nancy Pelosi or someone must have gotten their hands on it and forwarded a copy to Politico, in an attempt to drive out the Democrat vote in the forthcoming midterms. (I’m still staying home.)
Pelosi is old enough to have “been with” John F. Kennedy, but she’s still mentally sharp, and her body’s not half bad either, whereas, it’s been noted, Dianne Feinstein isn’t even aware that she’s in the Senate.
How can the Supreme Court have already ruled on striking down Roe v. Wade, if there hasn’t been a trial yet? Is the highest court in the land essentially a kangaroo court, as I’ve long suspected?
They might be reluctant to hear any case in which an enlarged photo of a girl’s vagine might be presented as evidence. Hence the miscarriage of justice, so to speak, in the recent Cardi B defamation hearing.
We can only hope that justice for Johnny Depp doesn’t come down to whether or not he’s allowed to bring in the bedsheets that Amber Heard took a shit on.
As black women in any number of my minimum wage places of employment would say, that’s just trifling.
We know, from his video rental history, that Clarence Thomas doesn’t have a problem looking at images of a girl’s vagine, so it might be necessary for him to take the lead on this one.
Arguably, he should be chief justice now anyway. If he’s not the oldest member of the court, he’s the oldest if you adjust for race, which functions similar to “dog years.” He’s long past the average life expectancy for black men.
I can’t imagine that he’ll be sympathetic to the argument that a woman can’t just practice personal responsibility, but at least he can ensure that there’s a proper trial.
Maybe Ketanji Brown Jackson can talk some sense into him. Have they had a chance to meet? I know he was out on medical leave when she was confirmed. I’m sure confirmation hearings are a difficult time for him.
If Brown Jackson shows up to work this summer with a perm, we’ll know that she’s there to do what it takes, or that she already has. (She might be limping.)
If she’s successful in her efforts, we’ll owe her a debt of gratitude, even more so than romance novelist and former Georgia congressional candidate Stacey Abrams.
It’s often said that black women are clairvoyant, impervious to physical pain and morally superior to black men, and this just proves it. Er, I trust that it will.


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Byron Crawford

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