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I'm not much on Casanova


Life in a Shanty Town

December 11 · Issue #259 · View online

The hip-hop newsletter that's not afraid to ask the tough questions

The police apparently didn’t stop watching VladTV when it was revealed that Vlad is anti-Farrakhan, and that’s all the more reason why, instead of dismantling corrupt institutions, we should be advocating for token representation within them.
If Lord Jamar were in charge of the FBI, we wouldn’t have had to worry about them building a RICO case against Casanova (a rapper, supposedly) and the vicious street gang that he’s a member of, the Gorillaz, if only because they wouldn’t have been aware that he stabbed 12 people in prison.
Black Muslims would be particularly well-suited for jobs in the FBI, literally, because they already have cheap-looking suits.
The other day, it was announced that the FBI had arrested umpteen members of the Gorillaz (more than I knew existed), and they were on the lookout for Casanova, whose government name, hilariously, is Caswell Senior.
If he had a son, would the son be named Caswell Senior, Jr.?
If the son became a rapper, he could go on tour as an opening act for (obscure late ‘00s-era indie rock band) Dale Earnhardt Jr Jr.
(I’m here all weekend. Tip your waitress.)
It seemed odd to me that the Feds somehow managed to round up every member of the Gorillaz except Caswell—like maybe Caswell, like Tekashi 6ix9ine, had been talking to the police. But it could just be a matter of no one else in the gang being able to afford to live anywhere other than the ghetto where they grew up.
It’s since been revealed that the FBI used Caswell’s interviews to build a case against the gang. In particular, the indictment mentions Caswell stabbing 12 people in prison, which he discussed on an episode of VladTV, and not anywhere else that I’m aware of. (I keep track of such things.)
If this were just a matter of Caswell having stabbed 12 people in prison, where you kinda expect to get stabbed, that could almost be excused, especially if he had a lawyer of the correct ethnicity. (I won’t specify, so as not to offend Vlad.)
Caswell was locked up in his late teens, in a prison with grown-ass men. It may have been necessary for him to stab 12 people, to maintain the sanctity of his behind. Did any of the 12 people he stabbed file complaints?
Unfortunately, Caswell was picked up (er, turned himself in) on one of these RICO cases, in which they charge everyone in the gang for the worst things individual members of the gang may have done—in this case, all manner of wrongdoing, including murder, drug dealing and ripping off one of those PPP loans.
Did the members of the Gorillaz pretend they were running a restaurant? Maybe they really were “selling plates” from one of the members’ homes, in the ghetto, with macaroni and cheese served alongside shellfish of questionable provenance (definitely not kosher), with a shitload of parsley sprinkled all over it. Rappers these days are entrepreneurial. There was an article about it in Forbes.
As was the case with Bobby Shmurda, they might allow Caswell to rat out the rest of the Gorillaz in exchange for a relatively light sentence. If he’s back on the street like Chico Debarge in 2023, we’ll know to be suspicious. I won’t be going around him, not because I commit crime, but because I live my life by the code of the street.
Caswell might want to try that sometime.
Take it easy on yourself,

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