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I'm a stockbroker now. So long, poverty


Life in a Shanty Town

January 29 · Issue #273 · View online
The hip-hop newsletter that's not afraid to ask the tough questions

This has been a week of self-discovery for me, as I’m sure it has been for many of you.
After years of attempting to elect a critical mass of mouthy ethnic women to Congress and groveling for $600 relief checks, we’ve come to realize that we’re the ones we’ve been waiting for.
We don’t need the other $1,400 that Joe Biden already promised us, because we’re about to get rich buying stocks of companies that about to go out of business.
Though we’ll definitely take that $1,400—some of us will need it, if we’re gonna have money to invest.
Personally, I’m waiting on the balance of my Corona Reparations so I can spend money so that I can make money, and my concern is that I might not be able to get in on the Wall Street Bets gravy train, now that investing app Robinhood won’t allow you to purchase stock in GameStop.
I thought Robin Hood stole from the rich and gave to the poor?
A black person should learn how to code, start an investment app and call it Larry Davis (as mentioned in the “Scenario” remix, for anyone old enough to know what that is).
A white person could create the app too, which might be necessary for it to work correctly, but they need to make sure the black community receives equity, since we’re gonna be the main ones using it.
I know there’s been concern that black people don’t actually own Clubhouse. Supposedly, it was purposely designed to look black-owned and operated, to get black people to join, but now that it’s landed an investment at a $1 billion valuation it’s been given a white-looking makeover.
We might need Joe Biden to look into that, while he’s out here allowing transgender people to join the military (which I’m in favor of) and outlawing discrimination against Asian people (which is not a thing that exists). He owes us $2,000 anyway. Not $1,400 + $600, mind you. An actual check for $2,000.
I’m also concerned that white people on Reddit figuring out how to undermine the stock market, i.e. the only remaining functional part of the US economy, constitutes cultural appropriation.
Black people on Twitter already came up with the idea of playing chess, not checkers, as far back as 2009. We may not have had any idea of what that meant, but we were making progress. Recently, I saw a very interesting plan to start an LLC using free money from the government, open up a credit card in the name of the LLC and somehow use that to avoid paying taxes.
I wasn’t sure about all of the particulars, which is the main reason why I haven’t tried it yet, but I’m definitely interested. Really, they had me at “free money from the government.” As the late, great Ol’ Dirty Bastard once put it, who wouldn’t want free money?
Regardless of who came up with the idea, I’m definitely excited about the idea of tanking the entire stock market using an app on my phone. One thing that black people might consider, since we might be too late to get in on GameStop, is shorting the stock of a company white people never heard of.
Are any black hair care companies publicly traded? What’s the stock symbol for Hawaiian Silky? I’m feeling bullish.
If we do something like that, we need to wait until our Corona Reparations clear the bank, so we can all get in on it. I’m definitely getting in on it. How else am I supposed to retire from Warehouse #2?
Take it easy on yourself,

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