View profile

I don't watch ESPN anyway

Internets, I'm sure it's difficult to be disciplined by ESPN for calling the president a white suprem
I don't watch ESPN anyway
By Byron Crawford • Issue #21 • View online
Internets,
I’m sure it’s difficult to be disciplined by ESPN for calling the president a white supremacist. To cope with the pain, it might be necessary for Jemele Hill to take a nap on a bed made of money. I really do feel for her.
The other day, in a Talib Kweli-style argument with some egg, Hill made the novel assertion that the president is a white supremacist, in an argument that was important to have because it could have led Donald Trump to resign from office in shame or, at the very least, changed someone’s mind on Twitter.
Racist CACs caught wind of this and were highly upset because they saw it as further proof that ESPN, which is run by SJWs, has a liberal bias. ESPN tries to project an aura of faux objectivity because the main audience for sports, and especially shows where people just sit around and talk about sports, is racist CACs. Their hosts aren’t allowed to have a point of view about anything other than sports.
Lest anyone on Twitter thought that the official position of ESPN is that the president is a white supremacist, the network’s PR department issued a statement, via screencap of some text that probably would have fit in a tweet, saying that they don’t really think that Trump is a white supremacist, that Hill had been given a stern talking to and that she realizes the error of her ways.
Black people, who dominate sitting around all day on Twitter the same way racist CACs dominate watching sports, were none too pleased with the statement from ESPN’s PR department. They didn’t like the fact that Hill wasn’t allowed to say something that’s arguably true, if meaningless, and they didn’t like the way the statement made it sound as if she’d been put in her place, as if a pimp-and-ho relationship dynamic exists between staff and management at ESPN. If only they had the power to do anything other than bitch and moan on Twitter.
Sensing an opportunity to troll the black community, the imminently hate-fuckable Sarah Huckabee Sanders announced, in a press briefing, that the White House considers this a fireable offense, thus more or less guaranteeing that Hill wouldn’t be fired, or at least not in the short term. Maybe they’ll keep her around until her contract runs out and simply choose not to renew. She’s on the wrong side of the wall and, for a black woman, her face is weirdly leathery.
Their best bet, from a PR perspective, would have been to have her lay low for a while until this blows over. The way things are going these days, it’s only a matter of time before the next racial conflagration or natural disaster. Remember that time Bill Maher called himself a house nigger? You know what year that was? 2017. People were calling for his show to be yanked from the air. It’s since been announced that his contract has been renewed through 2020.
Supposedly, ESPN tried to get another black chick to fill in for Hill the day after the controversy broke, but her co-host Michael Smith wasn’t having it. Then they tried to get two black people, to cover for both Hill and Smith, but the few black people in their rolodex refused. This is why it’s important to keep a few cornball brothers waiting in the wings. If they hadn’t let go of Jason Whitlock a few years ago, they could have given him the 6 PM Sports Center and been done with it.
As a result of this controversy, Hill will likely come to be viewed as some sort of freedom fighter, despite not having done anything to attain such a status. Jemele Hill is not Colin Kaepernick, let alone, say, Muhammad Ali: she still has a job. Her white benefactors told her to shut the fuck up, and she acquiesced, her insistence that she still believes, on a personal level, that Donald Trump is a white supremacist notwithstanding. She won’t be saying anything like that on air, or even on Twitter, unless she wants to end up working for TV One, narrating episodes of Ill Al Skratch Unsung. (They really are unsung.)
Anyway, Jemele Hill isn’t the woke bae that people who don’t read imagine her to be. Long before she was providing astute political analysis on Black People Twitter, she was the “oreo sports writer” that Sickamore beefed with, back in the glory days of the old XXL blogs. My esteemed colleague took her to task for a column she wrote in which she blamed the death of some NFL player who was shot leaving a night club on MTV Cribs and BET’s American Gangster.
Jemele Hill might not be so far gone that she supports Donald Trump, but she rose to her current status in the media by kicking the same bullshit as Jason Whitlock, and she’s only regarded as being more woke than he is through the same logic by which black women are determined to be innately progressive, if not magical, presumably by virtue of their goofy haircuts. You’re not obligated to feel sorry for her because she was disciplined by ESPN. Sometimes it’s necessary for a pimp to check a ho.
Take it easy on yourself,
Bol

A question for the ages
I figured my new longform piece, “Where Da White Women At?,” might not go over well, because it gets into some dark, dark territory. It uses the controversy surrounding Nate Parker’s 2016 Oscar-bait film the Birth of a Nation as a jumping off point to discuss everything from neoliberalism to black women’s relationship woes to the 2015 mass shooting in Charleston, SC, and some of everything in between. It wasn’t as widely read as some of my other longform pieces, let alone Ta-Nehisi Coates’ “The First White President,” but the few people who did read it seemed to fuxwit it.
If you haven’t already, have a look:
Where Da White Women At?
Hate to say I told you so
The problem with writing a newsletter that’s only read by people who are at least somewhat in the know is that it prevents me from being able to say I told you so, which is why I got into pretend journalism in the first place. At the very beginning of 2017, I published an article in which I predicted that Trump would implement something along the lines of the King Alfred Plan, which calls for black people to be rounded up and placed in concentration camps, in the event of some sort of emergency.
The other day, it was revealed that, on the 17th of this month, i.e. this coming Sunday, Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) planned to round up 8,400 illegal immigrants in nationwide raids known as Operation Mega. The only reason we know anything about it is that a memo was leaked to NBC News, possibly as a psyop, and the only reason they’re not going through with it is that so many people were displaced by Hurricane Harvey and Hurricane Irma, both of which impacted places where a lot of illegal immigrants live.
Meanwhile, it’s been announced that Missouri Governor Eric Greitens (who, you’ll recall, went to my high school) is preemptively sending in the National Guard ahead of the announcement of the verdict in the trial of a former cop who killed an unarmed black man and planted a gun in his car. Shit could pop off in the STL this weekend. I work in the ghetto not far from where the shooting took place. Not long after this email goes out, I’ll be hopping in my car and getting TF out of dodge, hopefully before the Israeli tear gas canisters go off. My eyes are bad enough as it is.
Important announcement
Not that anyone gives a shit, but my review of Dollar Express Chinese, a Chinese restaurant where every dish costs a dollar (no, really) was selected as Review of the Day on Yelp. It was my umpteenth RotD, but my first one in a minute. Sometimes I take time off from writing reviews either because I’m busy or I’m saving up to be able to eat in restaurants again.
My review:
Dollar Express Chinese
Did you enjoy this issue?
Byron Crawford

A free, weekly email newsletter from the pioneering hip-hop blogger and author of books like Infinite Crab Meats and No Country for Black Men, with topics including racism, homophobia, healthy living, respect for women, tolerance for religion and who really runs the music industry

If you don't want these updates anymore, please unsubscribe here
If you were forwarded this newsletter and you like it, you can subscribe here
Powered by Revue