Pictures of a newly svelte Adele, posted on Instagram to celebrate her 32nd birthday, raise a number of questions, including the following:
1) How is this bitch 32 when she just had an album called 19 that came out nine years ago? Is false advertising allowed in England?
2) Why would I want to look at a picture of a deflated Adele, when I could look at pictures of any number of women who didn’t have to lose weight?
I don’t buy Adele albums to listen to songs by, for and about height-weight proportional. I’ve still got the copy of Cat Power’s You Are Free that I listened to on an endless loop while working on parts of Infinite Crab Meats, for that.
In fact, I don’t buy Adele albums at all period—or anyone else’s albums, for that matter. This is 2020. But I’ve been subjected to a lot of Adele music in my life, so I feel entitled to dictate how she should present herself.
Warehouse #1 played a local black radio station over the PA that played a mix of new hip-hop and/or garbage modern music that falls somewhere in between rap and R&B and music you might hear at a “grown and sexy” African-American function, god forbid.
In the fall/winter of 2015, they played Adele’s “Hello” constantly, maybe more than any other song they played while I worked there, despite Adele not even being black. “Hello” isn’t even that black-sounding, is it? It’s not “Careless Whisper.”
How did it get on black radio in the first place? Thematically, there may have been something about it that black women in failed relationships, i.e. pretty much all of them, could relate to.
Will anything Adele releases from here on out be nearly as popular with the Nissan Altima set? I can’t imagine that it will. It might not even get played on black stations, regardless of how black it sounds.
Nothing about how Adele looks now suggests to me that she can sing a convincing ballad about experiencing heartache. Her thighs don’t even touch!
She’s too skinny now to sing anything other than pop, and you can’t begin a pop career at 32. It’s too old. No one actually listens to Robyn, except that guy who shot up a country western bar out California.
Which is not to say that Adele won’t continue to experience heartache. Her body is now acceptable, but she looks older than 32 in the face, and I bet that weird black dress she had on was stuffed with loose excess skin.
I’d have to see her in a more revealing outfit to say for certain, and I’d be curious to see if that thigh gap extends all the way to the crotch, but otherwise I don’t know that I have any use for her anymore.
Er, at least not musically.
Take it easy on yourself,