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Herschel Walker 2022

Herschel Walker 2022
By Byron Crawford • Issue #448 • View online
Am I supposed to be upset that Herschel Walker paid for a woman to get an abortion?
He didn’t ply her with money in an attempt to get her to go through with the process, as far as I know. He just paid for it.
Which was the least he could do as, presumably, the guy who got her pregnant—though it’s not clear if he insisted on a DNA test before cutting the check.
You can get a DNA test on an unborn child, right? I’d insist on one, before I spent too much money on debatably necessary prenatal doctor visits, celebratory greeting cards, jeans with an elastic waistband and what have you. But I’m a man of limited means.
If you’ve got the money, the least you can do is pony up for the procedure. She already let you hit it at least once. If you do her a solid, maybe she’ll let you hit it again once she heals up downstairs. Whereas, if you don’t, she won’t be as amenable. It might take additional trickery.
It just makes good business sense.
Plus, you don’t want to take your chances in a post-Roe America. By the time you get the results back, they might tell you she’s already too pregnant—even if there’s still genetic material running down her leg. They don’t play that shit down in Georgia.
This week, the Daily Beast tried to kneecap Herschel Walker, running a piece claiming he once paid for an abortion, despite claiming to be pro-life.
Initially, they didn’t reveal the name of the, erm, beneficiary, but then she gave them permission to after he said it wasn’t true. Come to find out, it was the mother of one of his “outside children.”
She must be upset that she was a side piece and hence has limited access to his wealth, especially now that his profile is on the rise. If he’s elected to the Senate, he can make a lot of money inside trading, like Nancy Pelosi’s husband.
I’d be curious to know how Walker’s child with this side piece turned out, given that he decided it wasn’t worth another go-‘round. Since he already had one child with her, he probably could have had the amount of his support payments prorated.
His one semi-legit son, Christian Walker, is a colossal piece of shit. But not because he’s gay, mind you. That’s just a coincidence.
Apparently, he’s some social-media-based Trump-supporting grifter. He hosts an anti-woke podcast, despite being what was known in the 1990s as “the other f-word,” and he must see his father’s Senate race as an opportunity to drive subscription revenue.
He claims that he knew about the abortion, the outside kids and what have you all along. But if that’s the case, how come we’re just now finding out about it? Supposedly, he hates his father, because Walker the elder didn’t support him and put a shoe on his mother.
If I were Herschel Walker, I definitely wouldn’t tell my gay son about any abortions I paid for, or outside kids. You might have to tell a straight son about such things, as a warning about what kinds of women to avoid, whereas Christian already avoids women.
I’m not generally inclined to vote for a candidate like Herschel Walker, nor do I live in Georgia (or vote, for that matter), but I’m more sympathetic to him now that I see what he’s had to deal with.
It’s a testament to just how much of a disappointment Christian Walker was that he led his father, who’s otherwise pro-life, to pay for an abortion, and what do we want in a Senator, if not someone who’s willing to make the tough decisions when necessary?

 

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Byron Crawford

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