Sometimes it’s necessary to owe $400,000 in back child support, and we shouldn’t look down on Dame Dash just because he got a little bit behind.
The erstwhile hip-hop mogul was arrested in New York on Wednesday, supposedly on his way to court to pay the amount he owed in full. The police may have been aware of his noble intentions and arrested him anyway just to make him look bad.
According to reports from back when the warrant was issued, Dame owed about $340,000 to his ex-wife, fashion designer Rachel Roy, and roughly $60,000 to some other broad. Dame had been ordered to pay Roy $6,000 a month in child support, which, if my math is correct, means he hadn’t made a payment in like six years.
Fortunately, I’m sure Rachel Roy, who designs dresses for Michelle Obama, has plenty of money. It’s not like those kids were starving. And no kid really needs $6,000 a month. Why should a man, regardless of his (former) income, be forced to pay any more than it actually costs to raise a child? If he wants to, that should be his choice.
It makes sense strategically to avoid paying child support for as long as you possibly can because eventually the child will be grown and hence can potentially cash in on her looks (or perhaps her intellect—who knows!), at which point you can argue to the judge that she doesn’t need the money anymore anyway.
Even if you can’t escape your liability altogether, you can probably get a discount, similar to the deals credit card companies strike with deadbeats. They’d rather get a fraction of what they’re owed than no money at all, so they’ll settle for pennies on the dollar, which is still more than they’d get from selling the outstanding debt to a collection agency.
As discussed on Beyoncé’s Lemonade album, Rachel Roy has dot-Indian hair, which is even better than white people’s hair, if not quite on a par with their feather counterparts in the Indian community, so to speak. One of Dame’s daughters with Roy is already a model. She’s not gonna be broke anytime soon, even if she has to get “flewed out” to the United Arab Emirates, for watersports purposes—in a desert, ironically enough.
After confronting director Lee Daniels at an outdoor Diana Ross concert, as one does (during “Reach Out and Touch,” natch), Dame was awarded $1.7 million in damages. I guess a judge agreed that producing The Woodsman entitled Dame to some of the proceeds from Precious. Alas, the entire settlement was garnished by creditors before he could use it to provide for his children.
If Dame had been thinking, he would have settled with Daniels out of court for a fraction of what he was owed, paid in cash, “off the books.” Even if it was only like $50,000, that's—again—still better than no money at all. Hollywood types who do a lot of cocaine keep that kind of money just lying around. They don’t have to sweat getting dinged by the IRS (nullus) because they can afford fancy accountants who conduct all of their business affairs through an LLC based in Nevada.
The other day, Dame filed documents in court stating that he couldn’t afford to pay $2,400 in some lawsuit. He later complained on Instagram that TMZ is just trying to make him seem broke, because he’s black. The coverage of his arrest was much more favorable in nature, suggesting to me that he struck a deal with the gossip site similar to their arrangements with Donald Trump and Arruh. Dame obviously can’t afford to pay them anything, but he can give them the heads up when he’s about to go to jail, and they can capitalize on his misfortune.
I don’t buy for a minute that Dame strolled into two New York courtrooms and cut checks totaling over a million dollars. The dead giveaway is the fact that if he did, he’d immediately be arrested for lying in court, talking about how he can’t afford to pay his poor gardener, Sanchez, for six years’ worth of lawn maintenance.
He’ll be back in court sooner or later, either for back child support or because Sanchez—who really does take care of his kids—ran up on him, and I’m sure TMZ will be right there waiting.
Take it easy on yourself,