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Fight Corona with your fists!

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Life in a Shanty Town

February 12 · Issue #277 · View online
The hip-hop newsletter that's not afraid to ask the tough questions

Internets,
Young brothers in the ghetto are on the fence about the vaccine, but we’re fighting Corona another way: by randomly attacking old Asian people.
The old part is key, because randomly attacking young Asian people is just asking to be treated like one of the bad guys in a Bruce Lee movie, and even older Asian people can be dangerous, if the Karate Kid series of films is any indication.
I’m assuming the reason they’re targeting Asian people in general is because Corona started in Wuhan, China and, according to something I heard on Joe Rogan’s podcast, which has yet to be removed from Spotify (so I’m thinking it might be true), it may have been purposely crafted in a laboratory to damage the US economy.
Well, the jokes on them. The stock market is through the roof. I just made enough money on GameStop to join the OnlyFans of every reasonably attractive woman. People with bad jobs couldn’t stay home if they wanted to, while people with degrees plus the complexion for the protection get to “work from home.” All they gotta do is not rub one out on Zoom and they’re good.
But I digress.
Anyway, there’s been at least one attack on an elderly Asian person, in San Francisco, and maybe not more than one. Though they’re trying to make it seem like this is a new epidemic. As if we need a new epidemic.
As mentioned in a previous edition of Life in a Shanty Town, one of Joe Biden’s first acts as president was to pass a law against racism against Asian people, which, I wasn’t even aware that that was a thing. I know it was an issue back when they were building the railroads and white people made them all get the same haircut, but I thought we’d moved past that.
This might be part of an elaborate scheme by Biden to expand the prison-industrial complex even further than it already is—during Corona, no less—without overtly going after black people. They’re gonna try to make it seem like they’re just protecting Asian people, and if a few black people happen to get arrested they can’t help it.
Kamala Harris, who’s a cop, is from San Francisco, and that might be why they’re kicking this off there. Stay woke (in the Oswald Bates sense of the term).
Regardless, I’m against random attacks on Asians of any age (unless they really do prevent Corona) for a number of reasons, including the following:
1) What did they do to you?
They can’t drive for shit, but otherwise Asian people never did anything to anyone. I don’t buy for a minute the argument I sometimes hear put forth in a Chinese restaurant that, the last time the customer was there, the restaurant shorted them on their crab rangoon. If there’s one thing an Asian can do, it’s count.
(The issue might be that a lot of people don’t realize that crab rangoon come four—not five—to an order.)
2) Chinese food is delicious.
Speaking of which, black people got a lot of nerve attacking elderly Asian people, as much Chinese food as we eat. What if all of the Chinese restaurants in the hood (i.e. the last remaining restaurants in the hood) went out of business because they couldn’t run the risk of being around you young black savages? I wouldn’t trust black people to be able to make good Chinese food themselves (there must be some sort of secret), and certainly I wouldn’t trust white people.
3) Andrew Yang is trying to give us $1,000.
When a Chinese man offers to give you $1,000, you don’t go beating the shit out of his grandfather. We need to show these people some respect, lest Yang decides to go back to programming computers or whatever, or devises some sort of method to systematically exclude black people from a universal basic income, some modern day poll tax. You know his people excel at playing tricks.
No but really, I’m deeply disturbed by these attack(s), and I plead with any young black guys still reading this far into the email to cut that shit out, goddamnit.
Take it easy on yourself,
Bol

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