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Bury Jussie Smollett underneath the jail

Internets, It turns out I was right about Jussie Smollett. Yesterday, the "Empire" actor turned himse
Bury Jussie Smollett underneath the jail
By Byron Crawford • Issue #96 • View online
Internets,
It turns out I was right about Jussie Smollett.
Yesterday, the “Empire” actor turned himself into the police, who arrested him and charged him with filing a false police report. If convicted, he faces one to three years in prison.
He’s already been released on $100,000 bail, which was disappointing to me, and could be a safety concern for the community.
If I were the prosecutor in this case, I would have argued that Smollett shouldn’t have been offered bail, as he represents a flight risk. We can’t take him on his word that he won’t skip town to somewhere where his lifestyle is more acceptable, like Thailand, because obviously the guy’s a fucking liar.
I’m not sure whether or not Thailand has an extradition treaty with the United States. (I don’t have to know all of the laws, because I’m not a criminal.) If it does, he might consider the country where Russell Simmons is hiding out, Bali.
I’m also concerned that his bail was only $100,000. It seems like it should be way higher than that, both because he makes way more money than the average guy who’s picked up by Chicago PD, who has to offer his mom’s shitty house in the ghetto as collateral, and because of the serious nature of the offense.
I’ve got relatives whose bail was way higher than that, and all they did was assault someone. The thing about an assault is, yeah, someone suffers an actual injury, but what’s the likelihood, really, that someone was assaulted for no good reason, the way Smollett claims to have been?
What Smollett did was much more dangerous, because it’s a crime against the entire community. Straight black men, who didn’t have anything to do with this, took much of the blame, because many of us weren’t buying Smollett’s story from jump (but not because he’s gay). Even now that it’s been revealed that Smollett is a damn liar, Amanda Diva is still out here blaming black men, because it’s our fault Trump was elected in the first place, supposedly.
Remember that time Amanda Diva was MeToo’d by the Nah Right comment section? If only she’d been discouraged to the point where she quit the entertainment industry.
White guys in MAGA hats didn’t have to sweat being wrongfully arrested for the alleged attack on Smollett, because it’s very difficult for a white guy to get arrested for anything, let alone a Trump supporter. But think of how many resources were wasted working this case, preventing 5-0 from investigating any number of crimes that actually happened. Fortunately, this happened in the dead of winter, not in the summer, when Chicago is one big shootout.
Chicago PD says Smollett staged the attack because he was unsatisfied with his salary on “Empire.” He makes $65,000 per episode, for seasons that run about 18 episodes, on average. I did the math, using the calculator, and that works out to $1,170,000 a year—more money than I’ll make over the course of my lifetime, but less than Charlie Sheen was making per episode of “Two and a Half Men.” But it might still be overly generous, given that I haven’t heard of anyone watching “Empire” since, like, 2015.
Despite this tremendous hardship, Smollett was able to hire a lawyer who represented Michael Cohen, Donald Trump’s former lawyer who, you’ll recall, used to pay the president’s jumpoffs hush money out of his own pocket. If Cohen hadn’t been disbarred, I’d consider hiring him myself if, god forbid, I had to go to court (perhaps as a result of the Smollett hoax). I’m assuming he’s Jewish.
My fear is that Smollett might somehow get off with just probation. His lawyer will probably try to claim that he’s mentally ill due to rampant homophobia in the black community. Someone at Fox might make a few phone calls. “Empire” can’t be doing well in the ratings, but it might still be profitable for the network, if they’re paying the cast a fraction of what they pay comparable white actors. I heard that’s the real reason you’re seeing more and more of these black series.
Anything short of throwing both a figurative and an actual book at him would be a colossal miscarriage of justice, as far as I’m concerned.
Take it easy on yourself,
Bol

 

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