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Bobby Shmurda is home. Hide your valuables


Life in a Shanty Town

February 26 · Issue #281 · View online

The hip-hop newsletter that's not afraid to ask the tough questions

Allow me to join the chorus of people in the hip-hop community praising Bobby Shmurda not just for coming home from prison, which is one of the most important things a black man can do, but for doing so the right way.
Aside from drawing the police an old timey treasure map filled with details about the crimes his gang committed, in the form of the song “Hot Dreaded N-Word,” Shmurda refused to provide any information to the police.
If 5-0 was going to rid his community of drugs and seemingly random, indiscriminate shootings that harmed more old people and children than actual gangbangers, they were going to have do that shit themselves.
It might be difficult for some to appreciate the qualitative difference between ratting out your entire crew in song form, for entertainment purposes, and signing papers to achieve the exact same effect, and that’s why not everyone should be allowed to discuss rap music.
Certainly, people shouldn’t be allowed to discuss, let alone say, the dreaded n-word, even if they’re talking about, say, the song “Hot Dreaded N-word.” I’m gonna have to agree with the employee union at the Failing New York Times on that one.
Shmurda was picked up from prison in a private plane by one of the guys from Migos, who I guess once promised he would do that and can still afford to. Before Shmurda was locked up, there was talk of a Shmurda-Migos collaboration.
That was back in 2014, when Migos’ career was still on the upswing. They haven’t had a song that I’m familiar with since I was at Warehouse #1, upwards of five years ago, and they might be canceled, since a writer from Rolling Stone observed them on closed-circuit security footage beating the shit out of a woman (alas, not Cardi B).
Shmurda might not be aware of this, since he’s been in prison. Who can even remember what rap music was popular when he was locked up? Probably some child gangbanger who’s not even alive anymore. Migos might be trying to capitalize on the buzz generated anytime a rapper gets out of prison. I guess Shmurda does kinda owe them, since they gave him a ride on that plane. Nullus.
I saw that they had three girls on the plane, who may have been hired for the occasion. If so, I might have to take back what I said about this guy’s career being over for all “intensive purposes.” He might not have any more hits, but he’s one hell of a friend. We should all have such good friends.
These weren’t the most attractive girls in the world, but when you’ve been in prison for seven years what difference does it make? After all, guys in prison have been known to get desperate to the point where they have sex with other guys. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
I imagine it would be difficult to not score right there on the plane. But I don’t know if those private jets, which are kinda small (especially one chartered by a member of Migos in 2021), are set up for that sort of thing. The pilot might alert the TSA, and the plane might get met right there on the runway, like on Juice Wrld’s final, fateful flight.
It remains to be seen if today’s youth will have any interest in Bobby Shmurda’s music. The standard has only decreased since then. “Hot Dreaded N-word” might be entirely too intellectual.
If I were Shmurda, I’d try to get some white trust fund baby to sign me to a deal for a huge amount of money upfront, like the deal Tekashi 6ix9ine got when he got out of prison. That way, if no one likes his new music, he can abscond with that money and live off it indefinitely, if necessary.
I’d tap dance on a conference table in a corporate boardroom again, if I had to. There’s no shame in doing what you have to do to provide for your family, as long as it doesn’t involve (intentionally) providing information to the police.
Take it easy on yourself,

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