View profile

Blac Chyna and Rob Kardashian are never getting back together

Internets, You can hardly blame Rob Kardashian for being such a simp, because he hasn't had a strong

Life in a Shanty Town

July 7 · Issue #12 · View online
The hip-hop newsletter that's not afraid to ask the tough questions

You can hardly blame Rob Kardashian for being such a simp, because he hasn’t had a strong masculine presence in his life.
Bruce Jenner was once at least strong enough to throw a javelin, but he’s since decided to become a woman. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m just saying. What kind of advice can he give Rob Kardashian?
His real father, both in a biological sense and in the sense that he was cisgender and hetero, has been dead since 2003—incidentally, the same year Kim K Superstar was supposedly filmed.
By the time he was old enough to potentially date a stripper, he didn’t have anyone in his life who could talk some sense into him, and as a result he’s been taken advantage of by Blac Chyna.
Blac Chyna is a former stripper who, before she got with Rob Kardashian, was Tyga’s baby’s mother.
She met Tyga, a cornball brother who grew up around rich white people (not unlike a certain someone), at a party thrown by Chris Brown. Later, she appeared in his “Rack City” video, at which point they began dating.
A mere matter of weeks later, she was pregnant with his baby. He bought an improbably opulent home in Calabasas for his new family. They lived together for a year and some change before he had to kick her to the curb, possibly for chronic infidelity.
At that point, Tyga began dating a then-underage (but already quite well-built) Kylie Jenner, who lived nearby. In retaliation, and sensing an opportunity for another come-up, Blac Chyna then began dating Kylie’s fat, sickly older brother, Rob Kardashian.
Now, on the one hand, Rob Kardashian should have avoided dealing with Blac Chyna, if only because she was his little sister’s boyfriend’s baby’s mother—a situation unbefitting of people living in such a nice area.
You’d expect that sort of thing in the Hispanic parts of LA, not Calabasas. (No offense.)
But on the other hand, I know what it’s like to be a brother of a certain size, who still wears ‘90s-era hip-hop clothes umpteen years after the fact. Rob Kardashian may have felt that he couldn’t afford to turn down Blac Chyna, who probably hit him off with several “freebies.”
The tragedy is, he could have afforded to turn down Blac Chyna. LA, from what I understand, is overrun with escorts, many of whom are more attractive than anyone who even a well-off guy who’s a good dancer with a nice car could hope to date.
If Rob Kardashian couldn’t afford to get his weenie wet with whatever’s left over from that OJ trial money, he probably could have borrowed some money from Kim Kardashian, maybe told her it was for weight loss therapy.
He may have even been able to score on the basis of being related to Kim Kardashian. Not all women are intelligent.
Instead, he fell for the same trick as Tyga. Blac Chyna was pregnant with a baby by him within a month of when they began dating. A few months later, it was announced that they were engaged. What was he thinking?
Even Tyga had the sense to not put a ring on it. Maybe because it’s a black man’s natural tendency to not want to be with his baby’s mother. Rob Kardashian only had his older sisters to look to for guidance. The Kardashians love a good wedding.
It was only a matter of time before Rob found out that you can’t make a ho into a housewife. In December of 2016, less than a month after their baby was born, she famously absconded with all of the food from his refrigerator—which is a difficult thing for a fat guy to discover.
Later they got back together, seemingly for no other reason than to film a season of their own reality show. I don’t know that Rob has another way to make money. It’s not like he can sell pictures of himself in the nude. And how else would someone make money?
It’s likely that Blac Chyna was sucking other guys’ dicks six ways to Sunday that entire time. She may have even been charging for it. If she just wanted to give someone a blowski for free, why not her own husband? Do Armenian guys not have very big schlongs? Nullus.
On Instagram the other day, Rob Kardashian posted a video of Blac Chyna making out with another guy in his bed, with his robe on. He said their baby sometimes climbs into that bed with them. Hopefully, Blac Chyna had the decency to change the sheets. (“Oh girl, when you were mine…”)
He also posted a pic of Blac Chyna’s vagine. I didn’t get a chance to see it before it was removed, but I heard it wasn’t half bad-looking, given the amount of abuse it’s taken.
The girls at Buzzfeed and Jezebel are trying to claim that this was in violation of California’s revenge pr0n laws, which is snitching (which is in violation of the code of the streets), but I heard Blac Chyna’s claim could be invalidated by the fact that she liked the post.
I’m actually more concerned with Rob Kardashian’s well-being. Blac Chyna is used to people seeing her vagine. Rob Kardashian obviously has no idea how to cope with having been taken advantage of by a vile hoodrat.
As they say on reality TV, I hope he gets the help he needs.
Take it easy on yourself,

It's ironic that Kodak Black has no use for dark butts
Of course Blac Chyna absconded with an open bag of potato chips
Run The Jewels - Don't Get Captured (Official Music Video From RTJ3) - YouTube
Did you enjoy this issue?
Become a member for $5 per month
Don’t miss out on the other issues by Byron Crawford
You can manage your subscription here
If you were forwarded this newsletter and you like it, you can subscribe here.
Powered by Revue