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Are black men not good enough for Kamala Harris?

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Life in a Shanty Town

November 27 · Issue #255 · View online

The hip-hop newsletter that's not afraid to ask the tough questions


Internets,
Come January 20th, miscegenation will be taking place in the Naval Observatory, and it won’t be the kind many of us would prefer, i.e. the kind so lovingly depicted in many great films.
As discussed in a controversial article in the Washington Post, Vice President-Elect Kamala Harris is married to a white man, former entertainment lawyer Doug Emhoff, and many black women who are married to white men, or aspire to be married to white men, view this as a “monumental symbol.”
Did they ever stop to think how black men might feel?
It’s bad enough that we’ve been robbed of an opportunity to potentially benefit from the Platinum Plan during a second Trump term. Now we have to suffer the indignity of knowing that a black man apparently wasn’t good enough for Kamala Harris.
It’s especially bothersome because Harris is finer than a mofo.
In a world where, too often, black women are made to feel that they aren’t as attractive as other races of women, it’s important to note that Kamala fills out a pantsuit remarkably well, and she’s surprisingly well-preserved for a 56-year-old woman who’s only partially black.
I wasn’t nearly as concerned when I saw that Gabourey Sidibe is engaged to some soy boy who’s probably a member of an obscure Internets forum where guys trade photos of African-American women of a certain size.
You can tell from the look on his face in a photo Sidibe posted on Twitter that he’s not in it for what’s left of that Precious money—and more power to him.
Second gentleman, i.e. the guy married to the female vice-president, would be an excellent job for a black guy, because it wouldn’t involve anything other than being in a relationship with a woman who has a job. A lot of black guys who date fat white chicks already have experience in that position.
For security reasons, a black second gentleman would have to be driven around in a bulletproof limousine that’s as fast as a Ferrari and can turn on a dime despite its length (ahem), alleviating any concerns about who gets to drive the Nissan Altima.
I’m sure a lot of brothers could use such a job. Amazon only needs but so many drivers, and I’m sure their background search process is extensive. Doesn’t Amazon handle a lot of the IT infrastructure for the CIA? They had a problem last week with missing PlayStations, so they might need to pull a few files.
Doug Emhoff, on the other hand, already had a job. Though according to the article in the Post, he announced that he was leaving his law firm after Biden won the election. Swirl Twitter, the article notes, was impressed that he would make such a sacrifice.
In reality, this was probably just due to conflict of interest concerns. Imagine if you were a lawyer and your wife was somehow the vice president. Judges would have no choice but to rule in your favor, if they ever wanted to be promoted.
Emhoff was an entertainment lawyer, and I’d definitely be curious to know who his clients were. Was he involved in jerking Bay Area rappers for their publishing? At a time when prominent, definitely not crazy artists like Kanye and Dave Chappelle are beginning to question standard industry practices, I could see this becoming an issue for Kamala.
It wouldn’t be, if she were married to a black guy, and that’ll be something for her to think about when she’s playing with Emhoff’s crusty old white balls, trying to coax him into popping a rod, when she could have been having her back blown out by a guy whose prize possession is a PS5.
Well, she had her chance!
Take it easy on yourself,
Bol

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