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Anyone But Oprah

Internets, I've been done with Oprah since that time she had the cast of the movie Barbershop on her
Anyone But Oprah
By Byron Crawford • Issue #38 • View online
Internets,
I’ve been done with Oprah since that time she had the cast of the movie Barbershop on her show and didn’t invite Ice Cube, so I was none too pleased to see that she’s seriously considering a run for president in 2020.
She gave a big speech the other day at the Golden Globes, where she received a lifetime achievement award despite the fact that she’s only been in a small handful of films and I’m pretty sure the Golden Globes doesn’t give out awards for tabloid daytime talk shows. Otherwise, where was the award for “Cash me ousside” girl-ternt-rapper Danielle Bregoli?
#Oprah2020 was trending on Twitter the following morning, along with numerous articles about why Oprah really should run for president, or why she shouldn’t. The whole thing is obviously being astroturfed. In retrospect, the dead giveaway was the fact that Globes host Seth Meyers said something about Oprah running for president in his opening monologue, before she gave her highly acclaimed acceptance speech, thus planting the idea in people’s minds.
As discussed on the website Vigilant Citizen, the Illuminati routinely plants hidden messages and symbols in the media, including JAY-Z’s video for the song “On to the Next One.”
Approached for comment, Oprah’s people would neither confirm nor deny that she’s running for president. Longtime beard (so to speak) Stedman Graham said she definitely would do it, if there’s sufficient interest, but what would he know? She probably makes him leave the room when she discusses her finances.
An unnamed source within the Oprah camp, i.e. possibly someone from the deep state, supposedly told CNN that she’s yet to make up her mind, but this is something they’ve been discussing for the past few months.
The 2020 election cycle won’t begin in earnest until after the midterm elections this fall, but that’s just a mere matter of months from now. Ideally, the Democrats would have had a viable candidate in place by now, if not a few of them. Obama, you’ll recall, first rose to prominence after delivering an address at the ‘04 Democratic National Convention, a good four years before the '08 election.
Candidates will probably begin announcing their campaigns in early 2019. Hopefully Oprah will have come to her senses by then. An Oprah candidacy would be a terrible thing, regardless of whether or not she won.
Obviously it would be a bad thing if she lost, and there’s a distinct possibility that she would. As a former TV talk show host who’s never run anything other than a failing deep-cable network, the only thing Oprah would have going for her is the fact that she’s famous, which would be rendered moot by the fact that she’d be running against Donald Trump.
If Donald Trump wasn’t Oprah-level famous when he announced his candidacy (by descending on a golden escalator and declaring that Mexicans are rapists), he’s arguably since exceeded her as a celebrity. He was on TV constantly during the 2016 election cycle, calling his opponents by goofy nicknames, urging the crowds at his Nazi-like rallies to stomp out the few black people in attendance and making fun of developmentally disabled people who were nevertheless allowed to pursue careers in journalism. CNN had their best ratings since that plane disappeared, if not ever. His opponents, meanwhile, could hardly get on TV.
Incidentally, it’s since been revealed—in that Michael Wolff book—that Trump didn’t even want to win the election. He was just trying to get his name hot in the streets, to kickstart a cable TV network. If only he’d dropped a mixtape instead. He’d have his own TV network, which I’m sure would be hilarious, maybe even better than Infowars. If Ivanka had her own show, I’d tune in on the reg, “for my own personal amusement.” The Donald could have spanked Oprah in the ratings, rather than the 2020 election. We’d be stuck with President Hillary, which in some ways would be even worse than President Trump, but what are you gonna do?
I don’t buy for a minute that the people who voted for Trump in 2016, including most white women, will have come to their senses by 2020. They might say they have, but wait until they get into that voting booth. A majority of white women in Alabama still voted for Roy Moore after it was revealed that he’s, as Combat Jack would say, a skeevy perv who’d been banned from a mall for trying to pick up middle school-age girls. He only lost because something like 99.9% of black women voted for his opponent, Doug Jones. Hopefully Jones will repay their unwavering, nearly unanimous support by rescinding any laws that prevent women from going to work with unprofessional hairdos (or hairdon'ts, really), and by going after deadbeat fathers.
An Oprah victory in 2020 would be no picnic either. She’d still have to run the country, and what does she know about running a country? Remember that time she gave everyone in her audience a new car, knowing good and well that anyone who would be in the studio audience for a taping of Oprah couldn’t afford the personal property tax on a $19,000 Pontiac? I bet some people’s lives are still in a shambles as a result of Oprah’s bad decision-making. Say what you will about Bill Clinton, but he never would have made that mistake. He’s almost certainly had to buy cars for random women before.
Take it easy on yourself,
Bol

 

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