Maybe the only positive news story of 2020 was when a Hispanic gentleman of a certain age filmed himself riding on a skateboard, drinking Ocean Spray cranberry juice straight from a government-size bottle and singing along to “Dreams” by Fleetwood Mac.
The video, originally posted on TikTok (which I check at least once a day “for my own personal amusement”), went ultra viral, he’s since raised tens of thousands of dollars via GoFundMe and merch sales and Ocean Spray gifted him a cranberry juice-red pickup truck that looked like it may have been used, filled with bottles of cranberry juice.
You knew it couldn’t last forever.
I’m actually kinda surprised that people haven’t turned up anything other than a video of him using the dreaded n-word while singing along with some shitty rap song I’ve never heard before (possibly by Travis Scott).
When it took a few days for Ocean Spray to cut him a check in exchange for what must be millions and millions of dollars of free advertising, I figured they were conducting an extensive background check, as if they’d hired him for a job that required him to be in the part of the building where they keep expensive electrical equipment.
He must have done well enough that he at least merited a used pickup truck and some free cranberry juice. Though I can’t imagine his record is completely clean.
Let’s keep it real. 420doggface looks like the guy who effs you in the a on your first day in prison, unless you stab him in the gut with a rusty screwdriver, in which case you get to eff people in the a on their first day in prison. That tattoo on his head looks like something you get in a street gang only after you’ve killed multiple people.
He says he lives in a trailer outside his brother’s house, which is nice because he has a place to shower and take a shit, not necessarily in that order. It doesn’t make sense that he wouldn’t have a place to stay at this point in his life. He’s like 50, right?
I feel like I’m the youngest person to like Fleetwood Mac via having grown up when they were still kinda cool, and not some bullshit meme. When I was a kid, my parents had Tango in the Night on cassette, and the one before that, with “Gypsy” on it—as did many black people back in the day, I’ll have you know.
As a black man in America, you can go your entire life without being able to find a job, even with a degree. But as a Hispanic, you’d think it would be easy enough for 420doggface to go up to Home Depot and wait around in the parking lot until someone gave him a job as a roofer, possibly within an hour of his arrival.
They don’t hire black people for those jobs, because we can’t understand what the rest of the people there are saying, and because they’re afraid we might steal something from the construction site. Which raises the question, what am I going to do with something you can steal from a construction site? More work? Pfft!
Obviously they don’t do background checks for jobs where they hire you from the parking lot of a Home Depot, but it’s possible that 420doggface hasn’t been able to work much, because he’s been locked up—which would lend credence to my theory about how he got that tattoo.
Anyway, I’m glad to see he’s doing well now. Hopefully, his influencer gravy train doesn’t grind to a screeching halt just because he said the dreaded n-word. I don’t approve of Hispanics other than Fat Joe saying the dreaded n-word, unless I get to have sex with your sister, in which case fine, go ahead and say it, but I’m willing to make an exception in this case, if only because it might be the last good thing that ever happens.
Unless Trump dies from Corona.
Take it easy on yourself,